Other Uses for Area Rugs (not Really)

Some call them rugs, some carpets. Whatever your preferred way of referring to these handy floor coverings, one thing’s for sure – there are more uses for area rugs than meets the eye. Of course, we all know the standard boring old “purpose” of a rug. Lay it on the floor, where you either want people to a.) walk on it, or b.) bask in its beauty while soliciting you compliments on your taste. Every now and then, someone wants both, but the more “a” happens, the less likely “b” is to continue happening. OK, I’ve kinda lost my focus, which is the other uses for area rugs. What’s great about these multi-purposeful household accessories is that you can pretty much use them for what they’re meant for until you need them for one of the following.

There’s no way to sugar-coat it, so I’m just going to come out and say it. Let’s say you kill someone. This could be by accident or perhaps not, who knows. But one way or another you’ve got yourself a fresh corpse on your hands and you now need to discreetly remove said corpse from your property. Now I’m not telling anyone to go out and kill someone, but hey, stuff happens. Maybe this is geared more toward you mobsters and hit men out there, those whose profession calls for an occasional “whacking” of someone every now then. For you guys and gals (ever see Bridget Fonda in Point of No Return?) there may be no more convenient a home product than a good sized area rug. After you take care of your business, you simply roll the poor sap up in the rug, get one of your “associates” to help carry your package out and into a waiting van, and take it to the cleaners, so to speak. Replace the rug you just used and you’re ready for your next assignment.

This next use only applies to cartoon characters, so really, it applies to nobody. But humor me for the duration of this next paragraph, and pretend you live in a cartoon world. More specifically, pretend you live in the Aladdin cartoon world. This, of course, is because in this stereotypical, pseudo-Middle Eastern land, the magic carpet is a bona fide mode of transport. This could make picking out a new rug, or carpet, a tricky proposition. Not only do you have to worry about the material, size and color scheme. Now you have to take into consideration such things as cornering, safety features, and gas mileage? Anyway, just take into consideration that your new area rug may one day be useful in another way other than laying on your floor and looking pretty if you’re a hit man or cartoon character.