The Do's and Don'ts of Getting Inked

Have you been thinking about getting a tattoo? For many guys, getting a tattoo serves as a right of passage and announces to the world that you aren't a girlie-man because you can take the pain. But, before you start slapping some ink on your skin, there are a few rules of thumb you should keep in mind about getting a tattoo. After all, while a tattoo symbolizes your spontaneity and your willingness to be tortured by a hot needle for a good half hour or longer, you don't want to end up with ink that you will regret. So, keep these dos and don'ts in mind when planning your tat.

Do: Give Some Thought to Where You Will Put the Tat

Unless you have plans to join a circus or to become a tattoo artist yourself, you will certainly want to stay away from putting a tat on your face. You might also want to reconsider the idea of getting inked on your lower arm, as your boss in the corporate world may not appreciate your tattoo of a naked woman that dances every time you flex your forearm. Sure, you may not be wearing a suit every day now, but if a white collar job is in your foreseeable future, keep the tats in an area that can be easily covered up when you head to work. Or, plan to move to a cold climate where you will be comfortable wearing long sleeves every day.

Don't: Put a Name on Your Skin

So, you just met some hottie and you think it will increase your chances of getting some action if you get a tat of her name on your back, do you? Think again, mister. Sure, it may help open the door to a wild night of hot, sticky sex, but at what cost? Do you really want to see "Betsy" on your back every time you look at it in the mirror? I think not. Even if you have been with some woman for years, getting her name tattooed somewhere on your body is a mistake. If you want to get a special tattoo in honor of your lady love (or for the lady of the hour), let her help you pick it out. Or, if she is game for getting inked, consider getting matching tats or tattoos with the same theme. That way, you can still be the romantic schlub she wants you to be without having a permanent reminder of her if things go bad (and, let's face it, with your skills with the ladies, things are bound to go bad eventually, right?).

Do: Spend Extra on a Quality Tattoo

OK, you big cheapskate, if you are wanting a tat but you are limited by your budget, choose to get a smaller design rather than going to a cheaper tattoo parlor. The reality is that you should expect to pay more for a quality tattoo, so don't cheap out and get a tat made with low-quality ink or by some guy that doesn't really know what he is doing. Some guys get their tattoos at "tattoo parties," which usually amounts to nothing more than some guy giving out tattoos after buying a kit off eBay. Not only is this potentially unsanitary, you are likely to end up with a tattoo that looks like those temporary tats you used to get out of the gumball machine. You now, the ones with blurry edges and colors that were blending together, remember those? Sure, it may have been cool when you were eight, but you aren't going to impress anyone with one of those tats now that you are adult. Grown ups get grown up tattoos. Remember that.

Don't: Get a Tattoo When You are Drunk

A reputable tattoo parlor won't even let you get inked if you are three sheets to the wind. So, the simple fact that the tattoo artist is willing to give you a tattoo when you are shitfaced should send off some red alarms. Of course, when you are drunk, you probably won't be thinking quite so logically, now will you? If you need to get drunk to "loosen yourself up" or to help dull the pain of the tattoo, you are obviously too much of a wussie and shouldn't be getting a tattoo anyway. Grow some hair on your balls and try again, princess, and make sure you are sober when you get your tattoo. That way, you won't have to explain your decision to get a picture Smurfette on your inner thigh for the rest of your life.

Do: Have an Idea of What You Want Ahead of Time

When you hit the tattoo parlor, you should have hundreds of different tattoos available to choose from. A good tattoo artist, however, will be able to draw something up for you or will be able to take a picture you bring in and make it into a tattoo. If you have an idea of what you are looking for before you go in, you can speed up the process and increase your chances of getting a great tat by talking your ideas over with the tattoo artist.

Don't: Pick the Scabs Afterward

After you get your tattoo, it is going to scab up and peal. Resist the temptation to help the process along by picking at the scabs or loose skin. Plucking off the scabs and skin too early can actually pull out the ink and leave you with spotty tattoo. Getting a tattoo is also one of the rare occasions where it is considered manly to slather your skin with lotion, so be sure to keep those scabs well moisturized so you can help the healing process along. Besides, it can help you get a little action when you ask that hottie you are trying to impress to slather your tat with lotion for you. After all, you can't possibly reach that tat on your back yourself, now can you?