The Scarcity Gene – Chapter 2.3 - On Masturbation

Let me be the first to admit that although I am a writer and I do use my knowledge in various fields to benefit others, as a human being my top priority is forever doomed to be my own benefit. So to ensure that my purpose is pure and unbiased I have to be the first to say that YES I do "benefit" myself. Sometimes I miss a day or two; sometimes I benefit myself all day long. Occasionally I will sit at my desk watching a dog being guided into a she-male's mouth by the hand of a burly dwarf and I will all of a sudden wonder what am I doing, to what purpose…

Watching my workload grow like only a true procrastinator could, I saw file upon file being added to a stack that I was only contributing to; one layer of juices at a time. My first thought was along the lines of; "If my seed is full of proteins, sugars, and amino acids then wouldn't I have more muscle and energy if only I stopped, wouldn't I be more likely to bulk up to attract a suitable mate?" Then again maybe if I had 20 years worth of libido built up I don't think there is a force on this Earth that could stop me from getting off in some beautiful girl's [expletive deleted]. My conclusion can be summed up with the following logical argument;

Masturbation; The Hardened Killer

1. 1. The goal of human males is to survive long enough to pass on their genes to a child, then to take care of said child until the time when they too can pass on their genes.
2. 2. Masturbation has the same physical effect on a body as sexual release, effectively reducing my desire to "make it in the back of my *caddy".

Conclusion

By masturbating you are not seeking sex* enough to makethe appropriate sacrifice of time, resources, and mental stability thereby reducing the likelihood that your genes will pass onto a child. Unless you are H - triple O – T, then you will quickly realize that girls are really nice and manipulative, always trying to get on that "Disco Stick" to the point where you hardly have to give up anything more than your dignity. But let's face, just between us I know it was worth it.

This has been a piece by Daria Mitalik as part of her "The Scarcity Gene" Series, if you would like to hear more I would love it if you let me know via comment or email (delusiondrive@hotmail.com) Thanks for reading and remember, "Stay Classy San Diego".

Sat, Mar 12 2011 9:53AM at Skokie library (1233 total views!!! Thanks Readers)