Trevor Emdon is a self improvement author, life coach and workshop leader. He is a trained mental health professional & NLP practitioner. For advice, free articles and more about heartbreak recovery, visit his website www.trust-in-relationships.com
Anger is a human and natural emotion, but you know that doesn't justify violence. And understand that violence might not take the form of assaulting your partner - it can mean self harm, or damage to property too.
A lot of anger management resources are available today so there is no reason that you should not seek anger management help if you need it.
But first and foremost, (I always come back to this), what can you do to help yourself?
Anger Management Help Tip #1: Change your body language.
Every emotion has a physiology that goes with it. You never see depressed people jumping about triumphantly, nor do you hear people happily in mid-jive talking about their money worries in that moment.
Anger has a tense, snarling, coiled spring kind of physiology, and the great thing about your body is that you can change it about as fast as you can blink.
What state would you prefer? Controlled? Philosophical? How about cool, man?
Okay, let's for the sake of example, pick that one. How do you move when you're being cool? How do you hold your shoulders? How about your facial muscles? How fast or deep do you breathe?
Come on, you know the answers! So get into cool - now! You can do it! It only takes a second, and if you do it for even ten seconds, it will take the heat out of the anger.
Practice now, while you've still got your thinking head on. (Unless I've already made you angry, of course!)
Anger Management Help Tip #2: Think a different thought.
Hear that voice in your head? "That s-o-b's done it again! I'm gonna kill this time! Grrrrrr!!!"
Let's play with the voice a little. Turn the volume right down. Let it be whispered by the sexiest person you can imagine, as if they were purring, "Ready for bed yet, baby?" Now change the actual words too. You're in control here, have you got that yet?
Try something like, "That person probably pee'd their pants when they were a year old just like I did. And what would they be like with a clown's nose on right now...?"
It sounds daft, but it will change your life and the other person's too. It might just save your relationship. It could potentially save you from jail!So be daft for a minute or two of your life, okay?
Anger Management Help Tip #3: Change A Belief.
What do you have to believe is true for you to get so angry? That you're darn' right about something? You have a right to feel and act this way? Erm, those aren't going to stand up to much scrutiny are they?
What if you believed something like this: "When I allow myself to be quiet, a solution always shows up"?
It doesn't have to be exactly, accurately true, like in a scientific sense. It could be more like a superstition. But plenty of people believe in superstitions. A zillion ladders are walked around every year!
By stopping and questioning yourself in this kind of way, you'll break those destructive patterns. And then you'll discover that you're managing your anger!
If you're still not, for any reason, then please, do yourself and those you love a favour and get some professional help.
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