Are You Attractive?

What do you do when you want to be attractive to others? Do you buy new clothes, new cosmetics, or new gifts to give away? Do you try to tell people what they want to hear? Do you bend over backwards to be nice to them?

Do you wonder why some people easily attract friends, relationships and customers, while others rarely seem to be successful in their quests?

If you think carefully about the people who are attractive to you, you will probably notice that what makes them attractive is a combination of who they are and how they act.

Attractive people are usually fully alive and present when you are with them. They are able to be there for you because they take excellent care of themselves.

Attraction is an inside job. The late Thomas Leonard suggested that having a strong personal foundation is critical to becoming attractive to others. There are many ways to create the foundation you need to easily and gracefully live in the precious present moment. Here are a few of them.

1. Be complete. There are many things we all could have, should have, or would have done if circumstances were different. Complete the things you are worried about, if you can, or decide to not complete them and stop worrying. Forgive yourself and move on.

2. Arrange your life so you easily get those things you need the most. If you don't, you may let depression and anger drain your energy, costing you your attractiveness.

3. Operate from integrity. Eliminate doing the things you know are not good for you.

4. Learn to protect yourself from the unhealthy or damaging behavior of others. Create a zone of safety in your life where you can relax and feel secure.

5. Raise your personal standards. You are an important person. When you treat yourself that way, others will do likewise.

6. Stop tolerating the things that annoy you. If you are not getting good service, ask for what you really want, or go elsewhere.

7. Decide what you value most, and choose to do the things that support those values.

8. Strengthen your relationships with your family and your community.


Every one of these items is a challenge. As my clients and I work on developing skills in each of these areas, we recognize that time and attention to many small details are the building blocks that lead to success.