Pat Cheney is a life coach working with gays and lesbians who are coming out in midlife. She also works with lesbians to strengthen and energize their relationships. To find out more about her services, visit Pat's website at www.discoveringpride.com.
A while back I was very pleased with myself. I had come out to all my friends and relatives. I had even broached the final frontier and come out at work. I thought I was finally free of the closet! Or was I? As it turns out, I was in for a rude awakening. Coming out never ends. It is a process that you will have to go through time and time again. Each time you meet a new friend, each time you change a job, or move to a new neighborhood the coming out process starts again, each time you meet a new set of people.
So what's the secret to coming out over and over again and keeping your sanity? For me, simply normalizing the process has eliminated nearly all the stress of coming out. Here's what I mean by normalizing. In conversation, people will often refer to their spouse or boyfriend when discussing weekend plans or describing their life. "My husband and I are going to the movies on Friday." or "I live with my boyfriend and two kids." I simply have the same conversation, only substituting the word partner for husband or boyfriend. "My partner and I are going to the movies on Friday." "I live with my partner and three dogs." I don't announce the fact that I am a lesbian. I live the fact that I am a lesbian. Other people can listen, observe and form their own conclusions.
Normalizing the coming out process has a few advantages. First of all it de-dramatizes the process. When we de-dramatize coming out we exude confidence and send a message that being gay is OK. When we are comfortable with ourselves, others tend to be more comfortable with us also. When we take our lesbianism in stride, others tend to take it in stride too.
Normalizing also reduces the stress of coming out. Speaking about our partners as a matter of course, just like straight people talk about their spouses, simply becomes a habit, requiring little or no thought. Coming out then becomes a simple and natural part of your daily life.
For those who are coming out for the first time, there really is no way around the jitters and anxiety. But for those of us who have been through the process already, normalizing is a great way to live your life in an open and honest way.
- Related Videos
- Related Articles
- Ask / Related Q&A
- Your 1st Lesbian Sex
- Safety Precautions for Gay and Lesbian Dating Online
- Sexuality Tests, Surveys, and Quizzes
- What about 'Lesbian Bed Death'?
- Commentary and report on election of Lesbian Bishop in Episcopal Church USA by Peter Menkin
- Lesbian Dating Agency - a Great Resource for Women Seeking Women
- Online Lesbian Dating Site for Lesbian Relationship and Lifestyle
- Lesbian Lifestyle and Lesbian Rights in Australia
Does anyone know some ways to get over an ex boyfriend
By: maria | 01/01/2010For many individuals, ending relationships are the worst of all nightmares. You normally you can not sleep, eat, rest and relax because every time you think about something, it triggers memories of your ex. To get over an ex is ne'er easy for most individuals. It takes determination and will power to overcome your emotions and get over it every day. If you require to know how to get over an ex, then this information will for sure help you to focus on moving on with your life.
My roommate keeps my diary and my ex-boyfriend's picture without
By: maria | 01/01/2010For most individuals, been dumped are the worst of all experiences. Usually you can't catch some Z's, eat, rest and relax because every time you look at something, it triggers memories of your past lover. To get over your ex is never painless for most individuals. It needs purpose and will power to overcome your emotions and get through it each day. If you need to know how to get over an ex, then this report will certainly service you to stress on moving on with your life.
I want my ex-boyfriend back Full Points
By: maria | 01/01/2010I've found that many individuals, been dumped are the worst of all nightmares. You normally you can not sleep, eat, rest and relax because every time you think about something, it reminds you of your past lover. To get over your ex is never painless for most individuals. It needs determination and self-will to overcome your emotions and get over it each day. If you desire to know how to get over an ex, then this article will certainly service you to focus on going on with your life.
How long will it take him to get over his ex...
By: maria | 01/01/2010For many individuals, ending relationships are the worst of all experiences. Normally you can not catch some Z's, eat, rest and relax because every time you think about something, it triggers memories of your ex. Getting over your ex is never painless for most individuals. It requires decision and self-will to overtake your emotions and get over it every day. If you require to know how to get over an ex, then this article will for sure service you to focus on going on with your life.
I Still Miss My exboyfriendWhat Do I do about my Current
By: maria | 01/01/2010For a lot of people, ending relationships are the worst of all nightmares. You normally you can not sleep, eat, rest and relax because when you look at something, it triggers memories of your past lover. Getting over an ex is never painless for most people. It needs decision and will power to overtake your emotions and get over it each day. If you desire to know how to get over an ex, then this report will certainly service you to focus on advancing with your life.
How to get over ex-boyfriend
By: maria | 01/01/2010For most people, breakups are the worst of all nightmares. Usually you can't catch some Z's, eat, rest and relax because when you look at something, it triggers memories of your ex. Getting over an ex is never painless for most people. It takes determination and will power to overpower your emotions and live over it each day. If you need to know how to get over an ex, then this information will surely service you to stress on advancing with your life.
I Don't Know Whether To Break Up With My Boyfriend Or Not Please
By: Naomi | 01/01/2010Whether you were seeing your ex for a couple of days, in a lasting relationship or marital, breaking up is painful to do. The good news is that life does get better. Eventually, you will be confident to depart of your gown without choking in tears. Few people know precisely how you feel right now. Read their tips on getting over him and getting on with with your life.
How can a girl get over her x-bf
By: maria | 01/01/2010For many people, been dumped are the worst of all nightmares. Normally you can't sleep, eat, rest and relax because when you think about something, it triggers memories of your ex. Getting over an ex is never painless for many people. It needs determination and self-will to overtake your emotions and live over it each day. If you need to know how to get over an ex, then this article will for sure help you to stress on going on with your life.
10 Tips To Build A Lasting Lesbian Relationship
By: Patricia Cheney | 01/08/2008 | SexualityTips to keep your lesbian relationship vibrant and strong.
Coming Out Lesbian, For The Third Time
By: Patricia Cheney | 30/06/2008 | AdviceComing out is a life-long process. This article describes a method to make coming out a stress free part of life.
Switching From Gay To Straight
By: Patricia Cheney | 23/06/2008 | SexualityHow to reconcile inner conflict in connection with being lesbian or gay.
Gay In A Straight Marriage: Divorce Or Stay?
By: Patricia Cheney | 26/05/2008 | MarriageFor gays and lesbians coming out in midlife, the decision to leave a marriage can be heart wrenching. This article contains self-examination questions to help make that decision.
Life Coaching Versus Therapy For Gays And Lesbians
By: Patricia Cheney | 19/05/2008 | CoachingA comparison of the differences between life coaching and therapy. This article explores the appropriateness of each discipline for issues faced by the gay and lesbian population.
Coming Out In Midlife: Tips For Finding A Lesbian Date
By: Patricia Cheney | 16/05/2008 | SexualityDating suggestions for women who are first discovering they are lesbian between ages 35 and 50.
5 Steps To Get "It" Done
By: Patricia Cheney | 11/05/2008 | Time ManagementPractical tips to accomplish your goals.