Conquer Fear When it is Born to Become Confident

The primary attribute in you that is stopping you from communicating confidently is fear.

Like kryptonite to superman as fear is to communicating confidently. Fear is the acid that eats away confidence. Fear is the one tonne bolder that holds back a person from being confident. Fear is the Achilles of self-confidence.

You will build more confidence once you remove the "kryptonite, acid, or one tonne bolder" that is fear. To become confident you need to have little or ultimately no fear. To remove your fears the first step is to look at your fears and understand their "birth" to see what created them.

As a baby you entered into this world in a neutral state of mind. You did not fear people looking at you or staring back at people. You did not constrain your actions because of what other people thought. You were spontaneous without a care in the world as to what other people were thinking of your actions. I think the only fear a baby has is loud noises.

This neutral state of mind changed as you aged. When you were growing up, your parents would tell you, "Watch out!", "Don't go there!", "Don't do that!", and "You're not allowed that!" Your parents conditioned your behavior. After being conditioned, what actions you took after that would be conditional on how you thought your parents would respond. You lost your independence to do as you wish and became dependent on your parents. What you could and could not do became more and more determined by your parents. This stimulated the creation of your fear of failure or fear of success.

As you became an adult, the memories of your parents telling you "Don't do that!" were implanted into your subconscious mind. This guides your current actions. These childhood experiences manifest into forms of "I can't do that!" When an opportunity comes to meet someone you see who looks really interesting, powerful, or attractive, you subconsciously reaffirm to yourself "I can't do that!" When a business opportunity arises, you do not even have a go at starting it up because you reaffirm to yourself "I can't do that!" You begin to give up without even trying.

I teach something called the "praise-blame dependency trap". The psychological trap is created when praise and blame is put on the person instead of the person's behavior. Constant praise or blame directly communicated to a person leads them to being dependent upon it.

The praise and blame becomes their behavioral "life support". They cannot live without getting the feedback of others and living up to other people's standards. Praise and blame leads to poor self-reliance and diminishing levels of confidence. It leads to needy behavior and requiring approval from other people. It leads to fear of rejection, approval, and disapproval.