Continuing to Tolerate Poor Behaviour from Others
On the whole, we often attempt to be kind and loving people, treating people the way they want to be treated.
However, being a nice person does not guarantee that other people will treat you the same. It is often a difficult lesson to learn that some people will bully, manipulate and take advantage if you if they can. I often hear clients complaining that they are treated like a doormat – to this I reply ‘ People will only treat you like a doormat if you let them'.
Having once held myself prisoner in a toxic relationship for over 5 years, I know how important it is for each and every one of us to not allow other people to walk all over us. However, at this time in my life, I wasn't clear on how I DID want other to treat me, nor was I clear on what was NOT acceptable behaviour to me. This is where writing my own personal bill of rights came in. I started by writing down a few basic guidelines such as:
1) I will not allow anyone to yell at me
2) I will not allow someone to continually put me down
3) I will not allow anyone to verbally abuse me
4) I will not allow someone to continually take their anger out on me
5) I will not allow other people to ignore my feelings or beliefs
I also included in my list what I had the right to!
1) I have the right to express my opinions and beliefs
2) I have the right to say Yes or No for myself
3) I have the right to say ‘I don't understand'
4) I have to right to simply to be myself without having to act for other peoples benefit
5) I have the right to decline responsibility for other people's problems
When we become clear on what is NOT acceptable to us, we can teach people how to treat us – as it is really up to YOU not to allow yourself to be on the receiving end of poor treatment.
The fact is…………
- Some people are toxic and there is nothing you can do to change them
- It is ok to release people from your life who are not supportive and kind
- It is acceptable to walk away from someone if they continually make you happy
- Some people are simply not good for you and you need to protect yourself
Having good boundaries in place and teaching people how to treat us, really is a self loving act and although it can be very scary at first, the benefits are huge and will serve you throughout your life. Remember, if you want people to respect you and treat you well, respect yourself and treat yourself well by not being a door mat!
Questions and Answers
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We often fear the worst if we change a habit or behavour fearing that other people won't like it or that we won't be able to handle the outcome.
We often point our fingers at other people, complaining that they don't respect us, or respect our feelings. There is often a reason for this! Life is a mirror and if you are being disrespected by others, the chances are you are disrespecting yourself!
How do you feel when you see a rich person on TV or when you meet someone who is wealthy? Do you feel pleased for their accomplishments or deep down feel that ' It's ok for them' or feel that being wealthy is somehow 'bad or unspiritual'?
Is this a typical working day for YOU? 6am - Oh no, the alarm is going off and I have to get up. I can't face work today. I would rather stay in bed! I will just press the snooze button one more time.
Try following this routine every day or choose a few ideas to begin with? NO EXCUSES - You can find the time and remember, you are worth it!
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