 |
Parenting Twenty-Something Children While They Find Their Way
Author: Randy Gilbert  | Posted: 26-10-2007 | Comments: 0 | Views: 64 | Rating: (64)  (?) 
Most parents have trouble communicating with their twenty-something children. It is a difficult stage of life, a transitional time when adult children ignore their parent's advice or view them as clueless. Many times the adult children will become unappreciative and hostile, pushing the parent/child relationship into a downward spiral.
Martha Pope Gorris, author of Parenting Twenty-Something Kids says, "There are a lot of things we are doing that need fixing. I think what happens with a lot of us is that we get comfortable with an instructional mode of parenting. When our kids get into their twenties we are still giving advice, still instructing, still guiding. And that is not what our children need. It is important to accept that fact."
When Pope's two daughters reached adulthood, she looked for proactive information about how to better communicate with them. She found there was very little available to help families with this transitional stage in both a child's and a parent's life. Through her research, she wrote an inspirational guide for parents, suggesting powerful tips for developing healthier relationships with 20-something kids.
First, Gorris says, "Recognize the new challenge associated with parenting twenty-something children. It's difficult, but rewarding." Sometimes it helps mom and dad to look back to when they were in their twenties. They will remember it was a time of independent growth, of not wanting or needing a parent's advice. This realization helps with the transition from parenting methods used for young children to a whole new set of rules for young adults.
All parents want their children to become independent, able to take care of themselves and become successful adults. In order for this to happen, parents have to stop trying to control them. Control only leads to a defensive attitude in children, pushing them further away. Ask yourself: Will these words or this action promote a healthier relationship with my child? Then act accordingly.
Expectations are another form of control. Parents expect certain things from their adult children; after all, they raised them with particular goals in mind. For many young adults, the expectations of parents are totally different from the ones they see for themselves. Parents need to let go and accept the choices of their child, and stop giving advice and listen.
Listening is extremely important at this stage. Listen to the goals your children have for themselves. Listen seriously; make eye contact, giving them your undivided attention. Become a friend they can confide in, rather than a controlling authority figure. Respect what they have to say; support their decisions in the same way you would respect one of your friends or colleagues.
Share your own experiences with your adult children. Tell them stories from your past, allowing them to choose if they want to follow your example or not. Your stories can teach them valuable lessons, making you more like a friend than an authoritarian figure. This new parenting technique will be more effective when dealing with adult children. They will come to view you as an equal, and a loving friend they can trust.
The most important thing is to show your children love without strings, no matter what path they choose. Remember, your children may not hold all the same beliefs and viewpoints that you do. Accept them for the people they have become, affirming them despite their poor decisions, or mistakes. Let them know you love and care about them, always being available for them if they need you. Always give them proactive support and affirmation.
Many parents feel they are powerless at this time in their children's lives. They regret mistakes they made when their children were young. But is never too late to start again. Be honest, willing to apologize to them if it is necessary, telling them you would like to do better as a parent. That honesty and authenticity will help your relationship grow into one of mutual love and respect.
Rate this Article:
Current: 0 / 5 stars - 0 vote(s).
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/advice-articles/parenting-twentysomething-children-while-they-find-their-way-245571.html
About the Author:Dr. Proactive, Randy Gilbert produces the "Inside Parenting Success Show", hosted by Jodie Lynn. She presents her interview with Martha Pope Gorris (MarthaPopeGorris.com) based upon the tips from her book. Hear the interview for free: http://www.insidesuccessradio.com/Guests/Martha.Gorris
|
Submitting articles has become one of the most popular means of generating quality backlinks and targeted traffic to your website. Join us today - It's Free! |
|
Related Articles
Happiness Heroes: the Too-tall Teddy Bear
By: Toronto Arkland | 23/10/2007 | Self Help
My daughter Azalea, an elementary schooler, is very sweet and a shining example of the values I drill into her: the AIR Equation, the 3-part formula which states that Happiness = Acceptance + Inspiration + Respect. My wife says our daughter has a loving softness to her. That’s Azalea, like her namesake plant that flowers in dry soil, looking to spread happiness in the most infertile places. This is why what she does later is so horrifying.
Father Nature: How to be a Super Dad Without Having to be Super Dad
By: Mark J Stevens | 27/03/2007 | Home and Family
More and more dads are becoming active in their children’s lives. Mark offers tips on how to be a super dad without having to be Super Dad.
When Daddy Prays
By: Thomas Greenslade | 09/07/2008 | Parenting
One year, for Father's Day, my family gave me a book called, "When Daddy Prays." One page titled, "Like Him," shows a boy dressed in daddy's clothes, and looking in a mirror. In the mirror he sees his daddy dressed in those clothes. "I tip Daddy's hat back so I can see; His pants would puddle at my ankles; I shuffle down the hall; Daddy turns from the altar, smiles, and waves me over. I drop to my knees and kneel in his shadow. I already know what to say Our Father, whose heart is heaven."
How to Avoid a Breakdown after a Breakup
By: Randy Gilbert | 02/07/2007 | Goal Setting
Failed relationships are difficult and devastating. After a breakup, most people temporarily lose touch with who they are and instead obsess over what their ex is doing now. Confusion, loneliness, and self-doubt envelop their lives, preventing them from moving on.
Signs of the Manipulating Child
By: Clark A. Thomas | 16/04/2007 | Parenting
I can’t help but to love my daughter in many different ways. Yet her behavior can be a thorn in my flesh. I’m far from being the perfect parent; there are times when my daughter attempts to get away with murder to the degree like it’s killing me. She simply uses manipulation. She has her way of wanting to control me and to get what she wants. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t.
Parenting Secrets: 9 Tips to Become a Good Parent
By: M. Markella | 28/09/2007 | Parenting
If you are a parent then you know how much happiness children can give you. But you also aware of the tough times and situations you had to go through when raising them. Parenting a child can be difficult. Even the most patient and careful parents can make mistakes. Here are 9 tips to help you become a good parent.
Appreciation for your Child
By: Clark A. Thomas | 16/04/2007 | Parenting
I know there are times when our children can really be a pain in the butt. I know they can get on our nerves periodically. I know if it wasn’t for my child then I personally don’t think my life would have become what it has become today. It amazes me when I look back over the last twelve years of my life and see my daughter continuing to grow up.
Christmas Gift for Children
By: Shirley | 28/11/2007 | Holidays
Select the best toys that suit to the children and their parents.
Got a Question? Ask.
Ask the community a question about this article:
Frequently Asked Questions
Husband wins lottery and doesn't tell wife!
By: relationshipGuru | 20-11-2007
After discovering her husband hid his lottery winnings from her, a Florida woman demanded he fork over her share of the lottery jackpot.Donna Campbell became suspicious of her husband, Arnim Ramdass, when he started to keep the television turned off and disconnected the phone line. Her suspicions rose when she found a postcard about a new home purchase.But Campbell was unaware that her husband was hiding a $10.2 million secret from her until she Googled her husband's name and lottery number. She found a Florida lottery press release that named 17 airline mechanics who won the jackpot, her husband was one of them.According to Campbell, when she confronted her husband, he said he bought the ticket for his daughter from another marriage.Ramdass and his co-workers pooled money for twice-weekly Lotto drawings every Wednesday and Friday. On June 20, 2007 they collected $220 and hit the jackpot.The group of mechanics opted for the lump-sum payment of $10.2 million, meaning each of the 17 winners would receive about $600,000 before taxes.Since the winning, Ramdass took a leave of absence from work, according to his co-workers. He hasn't shown up at the couple's home and servers can't find him to hand him the lawsuit papers.What are your thoughts? Do you think the wife was slightly ignorant in that she didn't realize something was wrong when her husband cut off the tv and disconnected the telephone? Is she entitled to half of his winnings?
Worst Thanksgiving Memory
By: Freezer | 20-11-2007
What's your worst Thanksgiving memory?Or if not Thanksgiving, worst memory of a family gathering?
How to build electric car for children?
By: ymushkin | 20-11-2007
How to build electric car for children?
Adoption
By: bogart | 19-11-2007
I have two daughter who are adopted. My oldest daughter's birth mother has contacted us and would like her daughter to meet my child (her daughter is 11, mine is 8). This was originally an open adoption but it has not turned out so due to the birth mothers addictions and homelessness. Obviously, I have real concerns and am reluctant for this to happen unless we have an opportunity to prepare our daughter and ground rules are in place. Does anyone have any experience with this or any adivce? Thanks
How can a married guy obtain multiple sex partners
By: samson | 19-11-2007
A married guy may love his wife, be perfectly content in their marriage (and for all signs of it so is she), but still not be content with the prospect of having only one sex partner "till death does you in".So my question is how can one be married and still get the best of both worlds? This can be viewed as sort of a "what if" question or a brainstorm perhaps.I am looking for a can-do, practical approach. (I will just ignore any judgemental, men-are-pigs type of answers).Bear in mind that I do not restrict the answers to going behind the woman's back - aka being "unfaithful". This has a obvious drawback of living a double-life, and eventaully getting "caught". Perhaps the way to go is via a gradual process where she gradually learns to accept a man's small "vice" away from sight, in return for an otherwise fulfilling relationship?Just a thought, not a must to go in that direction.
What´s the most constructive way for an adult to ...
By: Grace Hernandez | 19-11-2007
What´s the most constructive way for an adult to teach a child the difference between right and wrong?
Q&A Powered by: 
Latest Advice Articles
Set of My Likings Dated 21.08.08
By: Dalip Singh Wasan | 20/08/2008
Every one of us must try to understand and enlist one's likings so that we could understand what other likes and we shall be improving on our conduct with others.;
Hypnotic Writing, Does It Work?
By: A. Thomas Perhacs | 20/08/2008
Have you ever wondered if Hypnotic Writing or influencing others through the written word worked? In this thought provoking article, you'll be shown some examples of how Hypnotic Writing works.
Can You be Friends If They Think You Are Faking Your Illness?
By: Lisa Copen | 20/08/2008
Living with a chronic invisible illness can be difficult, but having those you care about the most doubt your disease can be even more disheartening. Can you still be friends?
The Power of Taking Responsibility
By: Gregory McGuire | 20/08/2008
Let me just ask you a question: Do you believe
that you could take action in the next 2 weeks that
would make your life significantly worse?
How to Rid yourself of Destructive Jealousy
By: Katlyn | 20/08/2008
Most everyone experiences jealousy at some point in their life, but jealousy for some, can get out of control. It becomes a toxin to themselves and adversely affects their relationships. It's important to assess your jealous feelings and learn how to deal with them.
5 Keys to Recognize Friendship
By: Carla McNeil | 19/08/2008
Have you ever been disappointed by a friend? Most of us have. Many times the reason is not being aware of the different levels of friendship. This article assists you in figuring out where you are at with your friends. Don't be disappointed again, read this article, apply it to your relationships and maybe you will have an "eye opening" experience too!
Violence Appears to be Replacing Happiness in Society
By: Gerry Hopman | 19/08/2008
While happiness is declining, violence is increasing at a rapid rate.
The Story Behind Safehouse Outreach
By: Groshan Fabiola | 19/08/2008
Behind every story there is a person who helped form it. The man behind Safehouse Outreach is Philip Bray, who began his work in 1982. Inspired by the experiences he has lived, this man set out to reach those whom everybody else thought were lost
More from Randy Gilbert
Winning the Game to Financial Freedom
By: Randy Gilbert | 30/11/2007 | Finance
Financial knowledge is the key to success. Researching all the financial information available is a must to becoming educated in building wealth. People are responsible for learning all there is to know about finances, preventing money blunders and financial difficulties.
Preparing for the Coming of the Messiah
By: Randy Gilbert | 27/11/2007 | Religion
People today are striving to find the truth about why they are here, what is their calling , who is God and what does He expect, and most of all, what comes next. They thirst for the answers to life's most important and elusive questions.
Mastering the Craft a Must to Breaking into Show Business
By: Randy Gilbert | 05/11/2007 | Careers
Breaking into show business or professional modeling seems insurmountable to most people. Often, people are so desperate to be discovered that they fall for get rich quick schemes, or pay unscrupulous agents who offer quick and easy ways to get to the top.
Successful Actors Do More than Act: Learn Networking Secrets
By: Randy Gilbert | 02/11/2007 | Careers
Society idolizes them, people seek to be like them, and the media will not leave them alone. They are our entertainment, our topic of gossip, and the focus of our love and hate. Celebrities have always had a place in the public eye. Yet for many seeking a career in acting or modeling, the road to showbiz success seems an impossible journey.
Reality Millionaire: The New (Old) Game of 9 Rounds Anyone Can Play And Everyone Can Win
By: Randy Gilbert | 31/10/2007 | Finance
If you're familiar with the phenomena of "reality tv" shows, then imagine you've been invited to participate in a new show called Reality Millionaire, and the prize is a million dollars. Welcome to your life.
Liposuction: Taking Charge of Your Life for Positive Changes
By: Randy Gilbert | 31/10/2007 | Fitness
Many people think liposuction is a procedure used for weight loss. They are misinformed about the seriousness of the surgery, seeing it as a simple cosmetic procedure where the patient walks out of the doctor's office with no further problems.
Successful Actors Do More than an Act: Learn Networking Secrets
By: Randy Gilbert | 22/10/2007 | Careers
Society idolizes them, people seek to be like them, and the media will not leave them alone. They are our entertainment, our topic of gossip, and the focus of our love and hate. Celebrities, be they actors or models, have always had a place in the public's eyes. Yet for many seeking a career in acting or modeling, the road to showbiz success seems an impossible journey.
Both Men and Women Can Be Sexually Satisfied in Their Relationship
By: Randy Gilbert | 16/10/2007 | Sexuality
Many women rarely experience satisfaction in a sexual relationship. Sexual frustration leads to bitterness and anger, resulting in relationship problems.
|
|
Self Improvement 
