Coping With Anger

I’m sure we all know exactly what the emotion of anger is and we’ve certainly all felt it either dwell or even rage inside of us.

Anger itself is not bad; it is part of our emotional armour from back in our past mental “fight or flight” stage. Much like stress, anger can give us the motivation to get up and do something but anger, if not dealt with, can grow into an extremely destructive force. It can become both verbally and physically harmful to yourself and others. To cope with your anger your first need to accept the cause.

What is it that makes you angry? – Is it being ignored? Shouted at? Treated poorly in comparison to others? Mistakes you’ve made? Mistakes others have made? Feeling humiliated? Criticism? Others being angry with you?

Who are you most commonly angry with? – Your partner? Your children? Family? Friends? Work colleagues? Strangers?

How do you express your anger? - Do you ignore it all together, or until you “blow up”? Blame others? Violent thoughts?

Who are you comfortable with expression your anger? – Your partner? A close neighbour or friend? A parent? No-one?

To cope with anger, first you have to accept responsibility for your anger. Instead of thinking “you/they made me angry” say to yourself “I am angry”. You see it is not other people who make you angry, it may have been something they said or did, but it is you who responds to these actions in a “negative” away. However negative may not be the right word to use because anger, when expressed appropriately as a means to assert yourself, is completely correct. That kind of anger can be quite positive, as it is not aimed at verbally or physically hurting others but as an expression of individuality.

So now you know what causes you to become angry or “hot-headed”, how do you go about calming yourself down?

Breathing exercises – When you are angry your breathing often becomes short and shallow. When this happens take note and start taking deep breaths. Picture the oxygen flowing around your body, refreshing your mind and improving your circulation. For specific breathing exercises please visit this article.

A calm word or phrase – Pick a word or phrase such as “cool down”, “relax” or “take it easy” and repeat it to yourself while taking long, deep breaths.

Light Exercise – If possible join a local yoga or tai chi class/course. You will learn how to relax your muscles and release any “negative” energy.

Imagery – Imagine yourself in a “happy place”. This can be somewhere you’ve been in the past, somewhere you would like to go or somewhere you’ve made up entirely. It should be a place where you can relax and unwind without a care in the world.

Hypnotherapy - In many ways hypnotherapy is an amalgamation of all the above. Try listening to our audio session on relaxation here.

Thank you for taking the time to read this article, if you have any further questions or queries do not hesitate to contact me.

- Jake O. Rhodes