How to play slots, lose money and have the best time of your life! Slot machine tips, tricks and urb

You walk into a casino. You are bedazzled by the lights, the colors, the people - oh, the money! You decide to warm up next to a slot machine. You pick the perfect one. It's next to the entrance (and you got an insider tip that the best chance of winning is with those machines) you sit down and open your wallet. You place your bet, pull the lever once, twice, but nothing happens. You try and press the button instead. Yes! You've just won 5 bucks. Good. You are on a streak. You win some, then you loose some then you get up. An old lady sits by the machine, your machine, puts in a quarter and you already know what is going to happen next. Yes. 7-7-7 and you want to kill yourself.

First of all - don't. Think of how killing yourself would limit your winning chances. Then try to internalize that slot machines aren't for making money. The only purpose they serve is to feed your recreation needs. All of the stories about grandmas that won millions on the penny machines? They might be true. But those grannies spent a good 30 years of their lives on the machines, while you were out there, enjoying your business. There are a few things to remember when you approach the slots. You might call them tips, you might call them hope, but they sure worth the read.

1. When that old lady made that spin and won a whole bunch of shiny coins - it wasn't your win. You have had to hit the machine at the same exact fraction of the second that she did in order to get that money. You have more chances of winning the lottery.

2. Take your time. There is no Play per Minute rate of success. Doesn't matter how fast you feed the machine - your chances still relay on one factor only and her name is lady luck.

3. Hit the button or pull the lever? Some prefer the old school method. Some go for high-tech. The casino goes for your money anyway.

4. Here's a sure way to win - order a free drink. And order an expensive one. If you lost some dollars on slots, why not spoil yourself with a fine, triple bourbon on the house?

5. This one might actually work - try and bet the max amount. There are more winnable combinations with higher bets and they are always better.

6. The loose machines myth. Some say that the loose machines are placed by the casino near the entrance, cashiers, bar or anywhere near people who are not playing, in order to get them to see winners and motivate them to play. I say that there's a better chance of finding loose screw in the casino manager's head.

7. That card you stick in there, well ye, it's actually money. Casinos are using machine credit cards on a nation that already has way more credit over its head. The fact that you don't put green paper in the machine doesn't mean that you are not gambling with real, hard earned money. Know your limit and get out while you still can. You might even be able to afford buying some roses to your wife.

Oh, and last but not least! Practice! This is the best advice we can give you. The more you practice at home on slots - the more chances you get at a casino. Naaa... We're just messing with you. But if you are an addict and you just want to play for fun and want to loose less money, or you really want to know what's going on inside a slot machine.