I Swear, This Could Work

I just read an article about how some psychologist said you can relieve pain or upset by swearing. My first thought was "What an &$#&^%#!" Then I realized, what do you know, he was right, I do feel better!

It made me wonder, can we just skip the whole Obamacare thing and just swear our way to good health? It would save a lot of money if that would work. But then, of course, those stupid, rotten *^%$^$#&##$%& %@!$^& congressmen (whew! Excuse me for that, but it did feel good.) would try to tax swearing. Naturally, just as Congress is trying to make themselves exempt from the healthcare that the rest of the nation would have, they would also be exempt from the tax on swearing. (Which makes me wish that swearing in congress was a legit thing, if only momentarily, like if, Joe Wilson, the "you lie guy" could have said what he was really thinking when he yelled that infamous, yet totally true, statement at Obama on the floor of congress. Okay, okay, I know I'm getting off the track here, but it was a fun thought.) Anyway, the whole swearing tax probably wouldn't work, it would just create a lot of black market swearing and groups going underground to swear.

Swearing could be the reason that professional athletes don't have more injuries than they do. If you can at all read lips when you watch them on TV you know they aren't spewing out nursery rhymes, or if they were they would go like this:

Jack and Jill went up the f$%^#!$ hill,

To fetch a pail of go#%^$&@#$*!;! water.

"Hey, my knee does feel better."

But then again this swearing to heal could have a totally undesirable effect too. What if the uncle you always hated was laying in a coma waiting to die and in a weak moment you decided to vent at him. The intention of the cussing directed at him could have the undesired effect of bringing him back to life. He'd wake up and smile at you and you'd have to go into the other room and cuss up a storm at yourself to make you feel better.

Or, what if one day you went into an uncontrollable cussing rage with your boss who you had secretly wanted a whole array of bad, evil things to happen to and he suddenly became the healthiest person on earth. And that could only make you want to swear more, making him even healthier.

Here's another unworkable idea, what if your child was sick and with totally good intentions you started swearing at the little b_ _ _ _ _ _ to make him well. Even if he got well he would resent you for the rest of his life.

After careful examination of this idea this psychologist has of relieving pain and upset by swearing, I think it's safe to say that he has his head way up his _ _ _! (Again, that felt good.) What's next? Are the shrinks going to start prescribing drugs for depression, instead of just eating right and being busy and productive... Wait a minute!! OH _ _ _ _!