Real Hollywood Awards

Celebrity gossip magazines such as Star Magazine and the National Enquirer give their readers information on every single facet of celebrity life. Readers look forward to the feature spreads at the myriad of awards show covered by these popular magazines. However, the categories never change. We all have our favorite for in categories such as best actor or actress in the movies and best new artist for the music categories.

These categories never change and have become stale over the years. Through gossip magazines such as Star and shows like Access Hollywood we are inundated with information on celebrities and it is high time we come up with a whole new set of categories and winners for what I will call the Tinseltown awards.

Least Amount of Female Friends

Nominees in the category for least amount of female friends are Angelina Jolie and Paris Hilton. Angelina Jolie is known for her ability to attract, whether or not they are currently attached. Ms. Hilton has quite a bit of notoriety for her amorous affairs with attached fellows as well. However, Ms. Hilton, with her own adult video is known for having been best friends with the likes of Nicole Richie, Kimberly Stewart, and Kim Kardashian to name a few. She can never seem to hold on to friends for very long and has been accused on occasion of questionable behavior with the significant others of her friends.

Though Paris Hilton definitely cannot seem to keep friends for very long, at least she has had some. The award for the least amount of female friends will of course go to Angelina Jolie. Jolie, has never been seen in public with a BFF, and is probably the only co star that women forbid their husbands to work with. She is reportedly to blame for the bust ups of Laura Dern and Billy Bob Thornton, and her current partner Brad Pitt, was married to Jennifer Aniston when they met on the movie set for their movie Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Rumors, though to be fair are unsubstantiated have been swirling that Ethan Hawke, may have had an affair with Jolie while they worked together though he was married to Uma Thurman at the time.

Perhaps the reason Jolie is adopting is not all that altruistic. Maybe she would like to have some friends of her own, and decided the best way to do so is to adopt them and raise them herself.

Smallest Grocery Bill

Hollywood is a town of decadence. The best cars and the most lavish homes align the streets of the most exclusive neighborhoods in the country. Paying $100,000 for a car is not unheard of. Perhaps, after spending thousands of dollars there just is not a lot of money for the bare necessities. This may be the reason that nominees Kate Bosworth and Nicole Richie do not seem to have enough money to purchase food at the supermarket.

Bosworth, was famously photographed by a popular gossip magazine wearing a revealing black dress. Unfortunately, the look was anything but sexy as the imprint of her ribs was showing in her breastplate, this from the fabulously buff actress of the movie Blue Crush.

Richie was the pleasantly plump sidekick of Paris Hilton in the Fox Channel show The Simple Life. There is probably more pressure in Hollywood to stay thin than anywhere else on earth. Perhaps, Richie caved to pressure to lose a few pounds, but before long she had lost a healthy amount of weight, got rid of the multi colored hair extensions and hired a decent stylist. Unfortunately, began to go awry as the shrinking reality television star started losing even more weight. Like Bosworth, pictures of her emaciated frame begin to make the rounds in the gossip magazines.

The award this year for the least expensive grocery bill goes to Richie because she is so skinny she makes headlines when she is out in public eating.

There are many awards left to give, for the tackiest break ups, most trips in rehab, and the most famous for doing absolutely nothing to name a few. It is going to be a busy year.