Domestic Violence

Article on Domestic Violence:

Why Do They Go Back?

Why abused women go back to the home after leaving to visit a shelter or hospital amazes many people. While there is not one answer that will explain every case of domestic violence, there are some issues that can help you have a better grasp on the situation. First, many of these women have lived with abusive individuals in their past. You would think that as time went on they would get tired of it and leave. This is simply not true, most of these women believe that they can change the abusive cycle with a little more time. It is common to hear them explain the abusive tendencies of their lover and blame alcohol, drugs or other people. If it weren't for that boss or the boy's night out, he would have never hit me. Many abusers have alcohol and/or drug addiction that facilitates anger and abusive tendencies. This does not help nor cause abuse in its entirety. Most abusers have a long-standing history of abuse even without the help of a drug. Many abusers were victims of abuse by parents or caregivers as a child and have learned that violence works. We teach children from a very early age that if we do not like something we hit for punishment. Think about it, if someone is doing something that you do not want him or her to, your first reaction is to get it stopped. Unfortunately in some cases the stopping method involves physical aggression.

In order to help women of abuse we must understand that many times they do not enjoy being beat or verbally abused. They simply have no where else to turn and little skills to survive without the financial help of their partner. Most women are not the breadwinners and would find themselves homeless and without monetary items for their children if they were to leave. To understand their thought pattern you must first understand the helplessness and fear that they have toward a world on their own. So to answer the question of "why do they go back," we can easily assume that many simply have no where else to turn. Instead of reacting with judgment or condescending tones try a gentle approach and understand the dilemma that these women face. Help them educate themselves and find appropriate sources to rectify their long-term situation. If they prepare themselves with education and knowledge they stand a chance of breaking the chain of abuse.

--Lisha Fant