Life Coaching Men Through The Recession

Men have traditionally been viewed as role models, providers and leaders of the household. However, shifting patterns mean that although many men still hold these roles, women are seen as just as capable as men of being leaders in the workplace and at home. 

The increasing pressures on men and women in the workplace not only impact on their home lives but on their health and well being leading to short and long term ailments however, it is noted that the affects of the recession coupled with traditional roles of males are causing many men to suffer in silence without seeking help with their work related problems.

Some common work related fears that men experience during a recession are:

1:  Fear of redundancy and job loss

2:  Mid life career crisis – where middle age men occupying jobs for years wish to leave to pursue  more challenging roles but fear that due to their age, lack of updated skills, competition and other factors that this will hamper them from new employment/opportunities

3:  Fear that deep down they are not good enough at work and at home

4:  Fear of being perceived as weak if they seek doctors help or other support

5:  Fear that they will lose their breadwinner status and be without a clearly defined ‘male' role should they lose their job

6:  Fear of the stigma of being labelled as mentally ill is they seek emotional support

7:  Fear of being viewed as incapable and incompetent at work if they do not keep up with deadlines and workloads

8:  Fear a demoted social and economic status in connection with job loss.  I.e.  Loss of home, possessions, luxuries, bread winner status and other financial problems.  Worried about what others will think

9:  Experiencing increased stress and anxiety working for a business striving to stay ahead of the competition during an economic crisis

10:  Depression when out of work, or threatened with being laid off

11:  As employers seek to cut costs during a recession, a man may feel that any chance of a pay rise, bonus or promotion will be withheld however hard working and committed he is.  Therefore career advancement is unlikely and he will be stuck in his current role – grateful to still have a job but frustrated by stagnation and no rewards or recognition

12:  Angry at having to suddenly take on another person's job as well as his own with no additional incentives, support or prior consultation.  Feel forced to ‘put up and shut up' for fear he will be the next one out of the door if he complains

13:  Reduced self esteem and pride in association with job loss

No wonder an alarming number of men feel demoralised. It is no surprise to hear that men are half as likely to talk to friends about their problems (Daily Mail, 11.5.09). Such is the seriousness of men bottling up their concerns that many would rather commit suicide than disclose the anguish and pain they are experiencing at work and home.

Whilst some say women are more able to discuss their problems with friends and family, with more men feeling less able to do so it is important that we look at how to reach out to men who are suffering in silence.

So how can you tell if a man who is experiencing problems linked to the recession?

1:  Are there notable changes in his behaviour and mood?  Is he drinking, smoking or carrying out some other addictive behaviour more often?

2:  Is he more aggressive and angry?

3:  Perhaps he's withdrawn or refuses to discuss issues at work?

What can Life Coaching offer a man who is experiencing problems caused by the recession?

1:  Life Coaching enables the man to discuss his problems freely and openly without judgement or criticism. 

2:  Life Coaching is objective. 

3:  Life Coaching can be empowering for a man who feels weak or like a failure.

4: Life Coaching can help a man gain clarity over his life and help him see things in perspective.  When someone has negative thought patterns, it is often refreshing for someone who sees the true reality of his situation to help steer him to a better outcome.  When a man cannot see the woods from the trees, a Life Coach can often help direct him to a solution

5:  For middle aged men who feel as though they are stuck in a rut with nothing much to offer a Life Coach can identify hidden skills and talents that a man can use for new employment, or a fresh opportunity

6:  A Life Coach can motivate and energise the man to make changes and help him keep on track with an action plan

7:  If a man who is in distress is able to act in a self destructive manner then he is also able to act in a positive way to help himself but he needs support and for someone outside his own ‘inner circle' to open up his mind to new possibilities.  If a man is able to see a glimmer of hope then he is able to take small steps towards his goal.

8: A Life Coach does not label the man's condition or attempt to define it.  They simply look at where he is in his life now and gain a sense of where he wants to be before facilitatating change, provided that the man is dedicated and committed to improving his life

9:  Life Coaching identifies the pain a man is feeling.  He has obviously approached the Coach for a reason and so he sees coaching as a form of helping him to ease his pain which is a positive start.

10:  Life Coaching is confidential and private, respecting the concerns and issues of the individual

11:  Life Coaching helps build trust and openness of communication.  If a man is able to approach a Life Coach that in itself is a big step towards change.  He is accepting that he is responsible for changing his life it's just that he wants help doing so.  In return, he must feel able to express himself to his coach and not be made to feel as though he is abnormal or less of a man because he is experiencing problems.

12: Life Coaching does not give a man quick fix answers or quick fix solutions.  If a man is committed to change, a Life Coach will not miraculously change his life but will benefit his life if he sticks with the programme.

13:  Life Coaching offers emotional stress relief allowing the man to get things off his chest that he has not divulged to anyone else

Lastly, how do you know if a man if ready for Life Coaching?

Let me emphasise this by saying that the man needs to accept that:

1:  He has a problem and is not coping in his present situation

2:  He wants help and is ready to accept it

3:  He wants to undergo a change and is willing to give 100% dedication

4:  He is committed to making it happen with the support of his Coach

5; He recognises that he deserves happiness and a fulfilment

6:  He is stuck of feeling as though his life is ‘stuck in limbo' and wants to be rid of procrastination and negative thought patterns that are holding him back

7:  He has stress symptoms which are affecting his life adversely

What does this mean?

Well, a man has to reach out for help and make contact with a Life Coach and when on the programme of coaching he must be committed to the programme if he is to see positive results.  He must develop staying power, action and commitment from A-Z.

What about other outlets for men to use?

Physical exercise has many benefits and is a good stress reliever especially for men in high powered, stressful and demanding jobs. It produces serotonin (the feel good factor) and benefits health and well being however, men also need emotional support.  Don't be fooled into thinking that males who display bravado and machismo are emotionally stable and strong.  Often these men are just ‘fronting' when inside they are desperate for help but are unable to reach out in the same way some women do.  Men are often just as much if not more fragile as women but conceal their vulnerability well.  According to the Daily Mail, middle aged males are currently the most likely members to take their own lives.  They are also more likely to turn to alcohol and become angry when worried. 

Men can also adopt a more positive attitude to their situation by accepting that job loss may be the end of an old job but the start of a new possibility if he just opens his mind to his skills, talents, transferable skills and abilities.  Where one door closes, another one opens.  Also, during the time in which a man loses his job he may have a tendency to become withdrawn if he is not out hunting for a new job, however he should instead aim to build links and network with people in the industry he wishes to work in. 

If a man has lost his job and finds it difficult to find another during the period in which he is looking, he should consider doing voluntary work in a new field that he is interested in instead.  It may be difficult to do this when the bills, mortgage and other necessities are rolling in, however, working in a voluntary capacity will help him gain experience and even a new job.

What of young men under 35 who are experiencing problems at work?

In the developed world we live in a materialistic society where we all strive to belong, acquire status in some way and are often influenced by our peers.  So if a young man were to lose his job, he may see the ramifications as being detrimental.  It may not only affect his self worth and esteem but his status amongst his peers. The ability to acquire money and possessions are tied with a man's esteem and so to lose these things as a result of job loss is a scary prospect.  Also, at a point in which males are experiencing problems at work this is an opportunity for intervention to step in before the problem becomes worse and they feel unable to cope thus leading them to self-destructive channels such as drug use or alcohol.

Men need to feel able to talk to someone for help when they are struggling at work and that person should be someone they can relate to on some level.  I'm not talking necessarily about another male but someone who genuinely understands what they are going through and are not quick to judge or comment.  Life Coaching can help the man challenge his negative thinking and self limitations for example, a middle aged man stuck at a career crossroads. Life Coaching can also help men to see possible careers and opportunities they have not previously considered.  Lastly, a Life Coach helps help's men reach their goals.  It's all well and good if a man finally with the help of a Life Coach recognises what he wants to do with his life thus making him feel happier if, he is not going to receive the help, motivation and direction in getting there.  A Life Coach helps with his action plan and measures his step each week to ensure he's on track.

Why does Life Coaching offer a programme?

Well imagine this scenario.  You're a man who cannot cope at work.  You approach a Life Coach and after a few sessions you've gained clarity and know what you wish to do next and an action plan is drawn up.  That action plan is broken down so that you can complete your tasks in achievable stages and so you don't feel overwhelmed with this and your existing situation at work.  Therefore it has to be tailored to you and your present circumstances and just enough to challenge but not to stress or burden you further.  Some Life Coaches like myself have been trained in stress management so we can use practical exercises to help people manage their workload and deal with stressful situations in a more effective manner.

So what now?

If either you or someone you know is affected by the recession in the ways described above then contact me for a free consultation so we can discuss you work issues and identify a programme tailored to your circumstances. 

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