Jody Johnston Pawel, LSW, CFLE

The new world of school brings many changes. Even for children who have been in child care or preschool, starting kindergarten will be a new world that is quite different from what they've experienced. The school's rules might be different from your rules, so children must learn flexibility. Children need to sit still for longer periods of time than they are used to, so they must have self-control and self-discipline. Teachers might have a different teaching

Come on, admit it. You intended to keep a schedule this summer, but when the kids slept in you liked the extra quiet time. Then the daylight lasted so long it was often later than you realized when the kids finally hit the sack. Not living by the clock was a refreshing change of pace, but school will be starting in a few weeks and you know the kids and you need to get back into the groove.

As children return to the classroom, parents often wonder how they can help their children succeed in school — without doing too much for their children. There are two key areas in which parents have tremendous influence: success attitudes and skills.

Although most parents would agree that their children are more important than their job, most usually get more on-the-job training than they do as a parent. As a Mother of seven once said, "The love is instinctual but the skills are not."

Many parents use the same type of discipline for every problem situation. One tool, however, is rarely effective for all situations. Plus, overusing one particular tool also reduces its usefulness. Timeout is just one tool -- and it really isn't a "discipline" tool; it's an effective anger-management tool. Since the purpose of a timeout is to help someone regain control, it is most appropriate to use when someone has lost self-control or there is extremely disruptive behavior.

Imagine this scene: A neighbor is at your house, visiting over a cup of tea. You start feeling irritated and pressured when you realize you are running late for an appointment. What would you say to your neighbor? Imagine the same situation, except it's your child at the breakfast table. How would it change your response? Is it possible that you might respond in a more disrespectful way?

Many professionals who dispense parenting advice tell parents to use rewards or create "behavior modification" token systems to teach children a skill, to get children to take on a responsibility, or to curb an unwanted behavior or habit. Often, however, rewarding good behavior with behavior charts has the same effect as bribery.

When parents have a problem or concern, they need to keep their cool and use non-blameful ways to communicate their feelings. As soon as parents threaten or blame, children stop listening and start thinking about how to defend themselves. If you want others to listen to your feelings or concerns, try using one of the following techniques.

Most parents know the basic "5 B's" of bedtime routines: bath, brush teeth, bathroom, books, and bed. To prevent bedtime struggles and delays, it is always helpful to offer choices about these basic steps. For example, children can choose whether to take a bath at night or in the morning, brush teeth before or after bathroom duties, and how many or which books to read. Our family, however, has invented many other fun (but not too physical) games that we've added to these basics. We don't always

Demanding behavior -- from the time a child is about two to four a parent can usually expect to experience it. Occasionally children test limits in their attempts to separate from their parents as individuals, with preferences and ideas of their own. Parents should not, however, excuse such behavior as only a passing stage. A parent's response to such bossiness may determine how long and how intense these battles last.