Katie Lersch

At this point, I'm reasonably sure they might have had an affair. This was over a decade ago and we've been happily married ever since. Should I confront my husband about something that happened so long ago?" I'll answer these questions in the following article.

heard from a wife who said: "two weeks ago, I saw some things on my husband's computer that lead me to discover that he had been having an affair. When I confronted him, he didn't seem particularly sorry and he said that he'd been very unhappy with our marriage for a long time. He said he went outside of our marriage because it was no longer fulfilling for him. What a lame excuse. If he was so unhappy, why didn't he just divorce me?"

I heard from a wife who said: "my husband had a 3 month affair a couple of months ago. When I found out, I gave him a choice. End it immediately and do whatever I needed to save our marriage or keep it up and lose me. He said that he didn't want to lose our family so he broke it off. However, although I can tell that he's trying to work on our marriage, he doesn't want to have sex with me."

I heard from a wife who said: "I know this is a huge cliché, but my husband had a long term affair with his secretary. Once I found out, she left her job because she told my husband that she couldn't face me. So I am reasonably confident that she is now out of the picture. But although I would like to save my marriage, I'm not sure if this is going to be possible. I have a friend who stayed married after her husband's affair and she is so angry and miserable with him."

I heard from a wife on my blog who said: "my husband had an affair and I found out about it 2 months ago. Since that time, I have been trying to explore what would cause him to do this. When we first started having conversations about this, he would say that he didn't know why he cheated. But lately, he's started to say that my behavior drove him to cheat. More specifically, he is saying that my criticism drove him to seek out other women."

I heard from a wife on my surviving the affair blog who said: "I caught my husband cheating about a month ago. He didn't have enough integrity to admit to this himself. Instead, I saw text messages on his phone. I am so mad at him. And when I ask him what in the world he was thinking and how he could risk our marriage and our family this way, his response to me is that he wasn't thinking of the consequences before he acted."

I heard from a wife who said: "my husband's infidelity has ruined absolutely everything. I don't trust him. I can't even bear to look at him. But you know what the worst part is? Not only did he destroy our present and our future, but I feel as if he has also destroyed our past. These days, when I remember back to early in our marriage or to when we were dating, I just feel cheated out of what should have been. I can't even look back at the happy memories without getting a horrible feeling."

Recently, I heard from a wife who had just learned about her husband's affair. And, she was just as upset by her husband's not following through on a previous promise as she was learn about his affair. The reason for this was that her husband had promised her that if he ever felt tempted to cheat, he would come to her first and allow her to address whatever problems that may have been contributing to this.

I often hear from people who have just discovered (or admitted to) infidelity, cheating, or an affair. Of course, the feelings that a person experiences are going to be different depending on whether you are the faithful or the cheating spouse. I have only been on one side of this scenario (I was the faithful spouse,) but I hear from an awful lot of cheating spouses on my blog, so I feel pretty confident that I am familiar with the feelings on both sides, which I will discuss below.

I heard from a wife on my blog who said: "I caught my husband having an affair and I demanded that he either end it immediately or lose me and the children. He agreed to do this and I thought his agreement meant that we could begin to move forward. But he's so sullen and sad that he doesn't seem to be engaged with our family. When I ask him what is wrong, he says that he needs to be honest with me and he tells me that he's having a hard time dealing with the end of the affair."