Skydiving and Auto Floor Mats

I’m usually a careful kind of guy. I take normal risks like most people, but I tend to avoid really crazy situations. I guess to make it all balance out, I hang out with my friend Tim who is the total opposite. Tim is always up for any challenge or new thrill, however insane it might sound. Once, just on some random bar bet, he drank an entire bottle of Tabasco in one swig! Another time, when we visited Yosemite National Park, he wrestled and killed a bear— just because it gave him an insolent look.

I’m usually just a spectator to these antics, but one time, I was a participant.

On a lazy Saturday I received a call from Tim. “Hey man,” he said, “I have some really bad news. I’m going to die.”

“What!” I said. “That’s terrible!”

“Yeah, but it’s my last wish to go have one last thrill. I’m going skydiving, and you’re coming with me.”

Now, I have a major fear of heights, but I couldn’t very well ignore Tim’s last request, so I agreed.

Before the jump, we were required to attend a class which taught us the basics of how to jump, what to do in the air, and when to pull the release on our parachutes. The instructors were very serious, and they explained how important it was to follow directions.

The plane took off and we started to climb. I sat huddled inside, sweating in my jumpsuit. Tim was next to me taking nap. “Wake me when its time to jump,” he had told me on takeoff. When we reached the jump point, I elbowed Tim.

“Wake up man. We’re here!”

Tim woke up, yawned, and rolled out of the plane. I rushed to the edge and looked out. He fell gracefully, and then pulled his chute and drifted toward the distant ground.

When I saw that he was ok, I stopped to consider my own impending jump. My fear of heights had seized me firmly and I felt there was no way I could go through with it. I turned to the instructor and shouted over the plane’s roar.

“I have a fear of heights homie! I can’t do this!”

“Too bad,” barked the instructor, and with a flying ninja kick he sent me flying out of the airplane’s open hatch.

I felt the exhilarating rush of the fall and looked at the world spread out below me. It was the most amazing thrill of my life! When it came time to pull my parachute cord however, the string tangled and twisted uselessly. I grabbed the reserve chute cord but that too refused to open.

“Thanks a lot Tim,” I muttered, and I slammed into the ground at 100mph.

When I woke up, I was riding in my trusty Mustang down the highway. Tim was driving.

“What happened?” I asked, “Why am I not dead?”

Tim laughed.

“It was the craziest piece of luck! You happened to land on a penguin that escaped from the zoo, and that unhappy bird cushioned your fall!”

I felt queasy.

He went on.

“Oh yeah, and by the way I’m not really dying, I just said that to get you to come along!”

That was the last straw. I barfed all over my floor mats and then passed out. But before I was totally unconscious, I heard Tim shout:

“Don’t worry man, I’ll make it up to you— next week we’re going bungee jumping!”