Best Christmas Games That Make You Hate Christmas
For a lot of gamers, Christmas is a time for catching up. You get a few days off work to finish the games you bought months ago and receive new ones from the people you pretend to love.Yet there are oddly few Christmas-themed videogames. For a holiday that made us so excited for a Nintendo 64, there are only a handful of games that actually feature the big guy. And of those, there has only been one good one: Christmas NiGHTS on the Sega Nooneboughtthis.
The rest are awful bargain-bin trash that your grandmother thinks look cute and you'll enjoy because you "love those videogame tapes." Here are the worst.
1. Elf Bowling (GBA/PS1 2002)
Elf Bowling deserves the number-one spot because there are eight editions of the same awful game. Eight. That's two more games than the "Leprechaun" series had movies, and at least two of those movies were in "Tha Hood."*
The original free Flash version of Elf Bowling was a cute distraction for secretaries with fireman calendars on their wall and mugs that read "The Future Mrs. Bon Jovi." You rolled a ball at small people who squealed in horror. It's sort of like Katamari Damacy for people whose dream had long since died.But then NStorm had to start packaging it up and start selling the same product eight times. Ten if you include the Game Boy Advance and Nintendo DS versions.
Since this is exactly the type of gift your Mom finds hilarious, you could feasibly receive it as a present 10 times. And since they've yet to even scratch the surface of places you can bowl down elves -- where's our Elf Bowling: in tha Hood? -- expect to receive a new one each year.
2. The Sims 2: Holiday Edition (PC 2005)
Imagine someone took something you already owned... say, your George Foreman Lean Mean Grilling Machine. And then they glue a Santa hat onto it and spray it with peppermint. They wrap it up and give it to you as a Christmas gift.
"Oh," you say, "is this my George Foreman Lean Mean Grilling Machine?"
"No! It's the George Foreman Lean Mean Grilling Machine Holiday Edition!"
"But it required my original George Foreman Lean Mean Grilling Machine to work."
"Yes."
"Does it do anything different than the regular George Foreman Lean Mean Grilling Machine?"
"It has a few holiday decorations!"
"So no."
"No."
"How much did this cost you to decorate?"
"About 29, 30 dollars."
3. The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause (GBA 2006)
Remember those "The Santa Clause" movies? Boy those were fun. Remember how they were just about Santa Claus collecting milk and cookies? He'd run through his workshop grabbing milk and cookies? Or around a winter park grabbing milk and cookies? I'm pretty sure that's all that happened in the movies.
And what's awesome about the Game Boy Advance version of The Santa Claus 3 is it captures that feeling of the film perfectly! As you're running around grabbing milk and cookies, you're like, "Am I living the movie right now? Oh man, just 15 more milk and cookies until I can grab milk and cookies in another level! Disney, you've done it again!"
4. How the Grinch Stole Christmas (DS 2007)
It's kind of ironic that this Nintendo DS game is about stealing Christmas because that's exactly what it does. Although the graphics do a decent job of looking like the developers once saw "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" twenty years ago, the gameplay hits that sweet spot on the Venn diagram of frustrating and impossible.
The first part of the game has you searching through bland house after boring house for gifts to steal. The second part is you turning off your DS. The third part is you taking How the Grinch Stole Christmas to GameStop and being told it's only worth 99 cents. The fourth part is you shrugging. The fifth part is you signing the receipt.
Did I mention that enemies in the game are impossible to dodge and force you to play the same stage again and again? I don't think I did because I hate it so much.
Dark Sparkle-Christmas make-up
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