Break Up Advice: Coming And Going

You have had a couple of false starts but this time you mean it. Previously when you mentioned you wanted to break up either your dating partner talked you out of it or your circle of friends were there to tell you why it was crucial for you to stay in the relationship. You even heard an occasional "here is no way you will ever do better than this person." And after much soul searching you believed it.

That belief is long gone. You have stood firm and this time around actually followed through. No hard feelings but at this juncture of your life you are ready for a new start.

Or are you? Let's be honest. While you have maintained a brave front, inside you are experiencing a lot of conflicting emotions.  One minute you want to meet someone new, the next you have to stop yourself from begging your ex to take you back. 

At this point it is very important that you do a little self examination; a lot really.
 
1. Do You Really Want To?  

Was it just a certain sticking point in the relationship with your ex that caused the break up or was it a combination of thinks that are interconnected? If so can it be worked out? If you went down this road with your ex before and failed than its okay to say you are not willing to go though it again. Maybe they were making a serious effort to change but you refused to see it or just cut them short because you judged their efforts to be insincere.

It can be any or all of the above but before moving on to the next relationship you may want to take a closer look. 

2. Who Are You Looking For?

This is important because if you are not careful you could find yourself looking for your ex's clone. You meet someone new and introduce them to your social circle. They can't help but notice this person is exactly like your ex.  Needless to say when they point this out you vehemently disagree although somewhere in the back of your mind you know they are right.

Then there is the opposite extreme. You are going to avoid dating someone who has any of your ex's qualities. That's your choice of course but considering your ex had a number of good qualities (many that you genuinely liked) that's kind of like cutting off your nose to spite your face. 

3. Peace With The Turmoil 

A break up can be a real game changer and many people never get over the emotions they feel which is why more than a few want to get their ex back.  Or if they don’t go that route they find themselves more depressed than normal.

The good part is its okay to have these feelings. You met someone that you shared your thought and emotions with on a very intimate level. They did as well so a breakup does not mean those feelings immediately disappear because they don't and will not. Cherish the good times you had with your ex and accept that it was not always sweetness and light. Also accept the reality that any relationship you have in the future will have its ups and downs.

A break up can have your head and heart spinning out of control but only if you let it. You are not a machine. There is no switch than you can touch and turn your emotions on and off. So sit down and do a little self house cleaning. Be thankful for what you had yesterday and make way for tomorrow.