Break Up Advice - Relationship Bankrupt? Write It Off

Posted: Aug 22, 2009 | Comments: 0 | Views: 6 | Bookmark and Share

People often use the metaphor of a bank account to explain the ebbs and flows of a relationship; they call it an emotional bank account. You unwittingly open an emotional account with everyone you meet and just like a real bank account you can make deposits and withdrawals. Unlike a real bank account there is very little logic to these deposits and withdrawals. This is because the value we put on some thing we do for someone is often very different to the value they put on it. Also when someone does some thing negative the value we put on that can vary greatly from person to person depending on their perspective.

For example if a man buys a single red rose for his partner he may not value it as much as paying for her car repair but she may think the rose means much more. Even though the car repair cost many times more the rose had a higher value for the lady because it was a symbol of his love for her. This whole system revolves around personal values and therefore finding out what people value is essential for a relationship to grow or be sustained.

Using this emotional bank account can be a very good way of assessing whether your relationship is worth fighting for. You have a general idea of how much the relationship is over drawn, how much pain and damage has brought you to where you are now. By thinking about what your partner does for you and what value you attach to it you can determine how much needs to be done to rescue the situation. If your partner is unwilling or unable to see the deficit they are very unlikely to go the extra mile to repair the damage. You may also feel that your relationship is so much in the red that your partner does not have the capacity to make up the difference.

If you go through this exercise and come to the conclusion that your relationship is too damaged for it to be rescued then you are probably better to write it off.

Breaking up is very painful but can be less so if you can convince yourself that to rescue it would be futile. Decide whether your relationship is bankrupt; if it is save yourself a lot of pain and move on as quickly as possible. This exercise can also be useful for someone who had no say in the end of their relationship; if you come to the conclusion that you could not have rescued the situation then it is easier to accept what has happened.

(ArticlesBase SC #1151409)

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