How To Be Happy Again After Cheating And Infidelity - Advice From The Love Coach
A few years ago I happened to pass by my boyfriend's phone when it was ringing and I saw a girl's name appear on the screen. At 11pm. I then realised how often he took his phone with him into the bathroom or how he got text messages without spontaneously telling me who they were from. It was a painful period, and of course it turned out he had another girl in his life… Now they live together and I'm happy in my love life, but it still hurts when I'm thinking of it. The fighting, worrying, wondering. The lies.
Me and the guy broke up and moved on, but sometimes infidelity is just an interruption in an otherwise happy relationship. It's most times hard or impossible to justify or understand, but if the life you have together is larger than a drunken incident or a moment of inhibitions, you might give love a chance.
Some advice, if you want to save your marriage or relationship, are:
- Cheating is external: See the cheating as a big black demon coming into your relationship. It doesn't matter who was responsible for the act; both of you are hurt and damaged; one is feeling betrayed and the other ashamed. But the problem is best treated if it's seen as something outside of the relationship that both of you have to fight off, move on from and leave it behind.
- No blame game: If you don't see the cheating as a shared problem, the post cheating phase can easily turn into a blame game where you play “victim and criminal”. If you keep on dwelling the past, you will be trapped in the negative emotions and memories. If you spend your time and energy finding ways to be happy from now on, it will be easier to move on.
- How to move on? This means it is important that you don't try to find answers or explanations for what happened if there are no rational reasons. Human beings are not always acting smart and we don't always act according to our values. Sometimes we get carried away and loose control. Only look at the answer to the question “why did it happen?” if you also answer “How can we prevent it from happening again? Accept that the dark demon came in to your life and that you want a brighter future. The good guys win.
- A new promise: Trust is the key to move on. You need to promise each other that you want to be together full on. You want to love and be loved. You want to be a team - strong and happy together. Tell your partner what you like about your relationship and listen to them. Trust doesn't come from “I will never do this again”, but from “I want to love YOU and create a good life together”. Cheating and infidelity is very selfish. It can't be justified. The cheater hurts other people, and if you have children you betray them too. But if you and your spouse seriously want to fix things between you, you seriously have to let go of the past. Create a new contract between you. Sit down, hug and kiss, and make promises and plans around these areas:
- What will make you feel loved?
- How can I make you happy?
- What can I do in my life or my own personal development to make our relationship happier?
- Can we spend more time together, give more compliments, have more sex, go out more with friends etc…?
As a love coach I prefer to give you some more questions, rather than giving advice. The best advice comes from within you. When you are aware of your feelings and understand the situation, you will know what to do.
- Can I choose to trust my loved one?
- What do I need (words, promises, attitude, new routines) to be able to trust my partner?
- Can I get that?
- If I can't get it, can I still trust?
- What does my partner need from me to feel happy in the relationship?
Bitterness and grief is a choice. Happiness and moving on is another. It's up to you. Yes, it is that easy.
Questions and Answers
Article Tags:
cheating infidelity advice love relationship marriage heart broken break up love coach carolin dahlman
You have suffered from a very painful breakup recently and right now you realized that something went wrong and that should be corrected.
Sharing moments between the two individuals, are reciprocally exchanged, through an organic flow that creates a state of elation, excitement, a natural high.
Step 1. When considering break-ups, the very first mistake is see most people producing would be to think they're able to just speak their partner into coming back. Even though communication is good and encouraged at some point, this in most cases includes you becoming too emotional as a consequence of your lack of leverage inside the situation whilst your ex remains constant, causing you to shed manage.
Lots of persons go by way of breakups, it's part of life. Breaking up can cause you to really feel countless painful emotions just like sadness and depression. You miss your ex and all you could assume of is what you could do to get your ex back.
If you want to get back along with your ex-boyfriend it may sound preposterous to focus even more on oneself. But let me tell you this, concentrating on yourself will get you the most effective results if you would like your ex back.
Many people stay single because they have lost the ability to adapt to another person. The older you are, the harder it is to adjust and be comfortable with the change a new partner brings. You suddenly need to change your routines and ways - and that can be uncomfortable. But don´t let that stop you from falling in love. Be open, and invite love into your life. The Love Coach gives you strength.
Make the first dates lead to a long term relationship by acting mysterious and fun. Avoid the mistakes and do and be what brings you to finding true love, and not just a fling. The Love Coach gives you some advice to date smart.
You are in love, dating and having fun. He seems so in love with you. Then suddenly, for no reason according to you, he just disappears. No phone calls, no emails, no responses. Just gone! What does this mean? The Love Coach has interviewed hundreds of men for the book "What do guys want" and by understanding men, a girl can find peace of mind and act sane.
You can buy new shoes. You can find a boyfriend. You can win the lottery. But if you really want to be happy - from within and for long term - this is how. Just smile, and you´ll be happy.
Create a perfect relationship through avoiding having "perfect" as a goal. Accept that no person or situation can be exactly as you want it to be. Accept reality and learn LOVE it. Relax and enjoy your relationship. The Love Coach Carolin Dahlman will help you get a perspective and an attitude that saves your marriage or helps you be happier. Relationship advice that works!
Discuss this Article
