How to Deal With a Breakup

"It's not working out."

"Maybe we should take a break."

"I need a little more time to think things through."

"It's not you. It's me."

Mutual or not, the loss of a relationship — especially one that has lasted more than a year — is a very difficult experience. There will be a lot of emotions to deal with, a lot of tears will fall and weeks of sleepless nights are not uncommon. Whatever the cause of the breakup, the pain of losing someone you hold very dearly will be so strong that it seems it will go on forever.

But the old adage "time heals all wounds" is not without basis. But aside from time, there are some ways to help you get back on track.

1. Cry like a river. Grieving is the first step to healing. Allow yourself to cry. Holding back the tears will only prolong the inevitable. The sooner you release your pent-up emotions, the sooner you will be able to come to terms with them.

2. Avoid him like the plague. As they always say, a habit is never easy to break. Immediately after the breakup, you may find yourself wanting to call him — just to say hello — or meeting up with him for coffee. Let me tell you now. It's not a good idea. Keep your distance from your ex. Erase his number from your phonebook. Delete his email address in your Outlook address book. Do whatever it takes to prevent yourself from contacting him.

3. Continue with your life. Immediately after the breakup, it would seem perfectly normal to bury yourself in your bedcovers and wallow in self-pity. This is okay but only for a few days. Sooner or later, you need to remind yourself that you need to continue your life, no matter how difficult.

4. Talk about it. Call your closest friends and invite them over. Do a postmortem on the failed relationship. Tell them what happened, as objectively as you could. Having a support person/group will be very helpful during this very difficult time. Talking to another person about the relationship — and getting his/her insight — might just give you the perspective you need.

5. Love the nightlife. Sure, your relationship ended but you still have your friends, don't you? Give each of them a call and invite them to go out on Friday night. Having an active social life is always one sure way to nurture yourself back to health.

6. Do not be on the rebound. Acknowledge the fact that you are at your most vulnerable right after breaking up with someone. It is not healthy to jump from one relationship to another. Take this time to get to know and love yourself. Do not be afraid to be alone. You can be alone and still be happy.

Breakups are inevitable. You may have to experience a few before you find that one relationship that leads to happy-ever-after. Surviving a breakup is never easy but is not impossible either. All you need, aside from time, is the courage to move on.