How to Get Your Ex Back in Your Arms for the Holidays

OUCH! You just got dumped. Is there ever a good time for that to happen? Probably not. But, some times are worse than others. Looming right around the corner is Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years, all bundled together and tied up with a pretty ribbon. Who wants to end the year alone and -- even worse -- who wants to start the New Year off without someone to love who loves you back?

If you've been dumped and you're desperate to get your ex back, my best advice is "Don't be desperate!".  Kicking and screaming, begging and pleading is not going to help. But, if you closely follow the path I've set out below, maybe, just maybe, you'll really have something to be thankful for on Thanksgiving!

You've got to stay in control. Remember the cartoon character the Tasmanian devil spinning around out of control and destroying everything in his path? Not a very attractive picture, is it? If you want a snow ball's chance in you know where of getting your ex back, you have to at least LOOK like you're in control of yourself instead of acting like a desperate, needy, out-of-control victim. Does that sound at all familer? If you've been accused of being needy, listen up! Here's your chance to prove you are far from needy!

The bad news is, there's no magic wand. It might already be too late, but if it isn't, or if your lover is just talking about leaving but hasn't yet, then I'm going to ask you to do something that might sound a little crazy:  agree to the breakup. That's right. I want you to agree that breaking up sounds like a good idea. I know this is the exact opposite of what you want, but if you let him go calmly and without any drama, then you've opened the door to him coming back instead of slamming it in his face

My next suggestion just may be even more difficult than the first.  Once she's gone, practice "No Contact!" In case you're wondering, that means just what it says. Don't bombard her with text messages and phone calls. Don't shower her with gifts and flowers. The best ways to get your ex back is to back off and give her a little breathing room. Not hearing from you won't make her forget you exist. Instead, she's going to miss you all the more and wonder just what it is that you're up to!

Third, you need to get on with your life after he's gone. You need to keep yourself busy and put things into perspective. You're so close to the situation you probably can't really think very clearly right now. So, step back and really look at your situation. Go out with friends. The holiday season is a busy time with friends and family, and nothing will help you with your judgment and confidence more than being around and having some fun with others. Don't sit alone in your house or apartment moping about your situation, get on with your life!

After you've had some time to think about your new situation and adjust, guess what -- your ex has had the same amount of time to calm down and reassess their decision too! If you've been out of contact (no phone calls, letters, texts, stalking incidents) for at least a month, the time is probably right to go ahead and make contact. In fact, don't be too surprised if he beats you to the punch and contacts you!

At a reasonable time of day when you think you can catch her at a good time, call her on the phone and have a very short and casual conversation. Say that you'd like to get together for a few minutes -- in some neutral spot. It's critical to not make this a big deal. Don't try to manipulate or pull a guilt trip here. If she says no, then take no for an answer. But chances are great that she'll say yes to a few minutes out of her schedule just to satisfy her curiosity and see what's up.

When you get together face-to-face, simply say that you've had time to think about your situation, and that you'd like to apologize for any mistakes you made.  Let your ex know your feelings haven't changed and you would like another chance. Then shut up and listen.  Give your ex space to say do the same while you listen carefully and sincerely to every word.

If your ex agrees, congratulations! The hard work starts now. What?  That's right. Relationships take work. But, if your ex isn't jumping up and down at the opportunity of giving you a second chance, tell your ex that you just wanted to apologize and express your feelings, and you will give your ex time -- as much time as he needs -- to think things through.  Then, thank him for meeting with you and then leave. Just walk away, and don't look back.

Is this a sure-fire way to get your ex back in your arms for the holidays?  No, but it has a pretty good chance of working, and beats the desperation routine hands down!