How to Stop Fighting and Avoid a Break Up

Fight, fight, fight! Both of you are just worn out re-hashing the same old story. Maybe it's time to stop fighting and find a better way to communicate. There are different ways to go about this. For instance sometimes talking is the answer. Communicating your feelings can feel like a breath of fresh air.

COMMUNICATION ISN'T ALWAYS BETTER

However, sometimes talking just gives you a headache and leads to more problems and more fighting. When emotions are at a peak and rational behavior has gone out the window, continued talking can escalate emotions and frustrations.

When tension and stress is high and voices are raised, everyone loses. There is no communication when this occurs. Pent up feelings come tumbling out and words are often said that you later regret.

WALK AWAY OR BREAK UP

There are certainly times when the best course of action is to walk away for a short period of time, take a breather, and come back together when calmer minds prevail. This approach should usually be initiated by the man and stated in a positive and thoughtful manner.

Perhaps you could calmly state, "Nothing is going to be solved right now and it will be best if we take time to think about our feelings and thoughts. We can talk about it later."

Another way to state the exit is to say, "What you're saying is important to me and I want to hear what you have to say, but I need time to think about what you've already said. Let's talk about it later."

Assure your partner that you care about her feelings and you want to resolve the problem between you. Give her a specific time that you will resume the conversation and then leave immediately so that the emotions, tension and stress can subside.

Stick to your word and discuss the problem at the designated time when you are both ready to listen.The point is that nothing will be accomplished through escalated emotions and anger.

During this separation time, each partner should either do an enjoyable activity or visit with a friend to discharge and reduce the stress. Often it's a good idea to get a neutral third party to listen to you ventilate your grievances and offer their support.

A BETTER WAY TO SOLVE PROBLEMS

During this time apart, both you and your partner should be thinking about a better and non- antagonistic way to communicate your feelings. Instead of focusing on your partner's negative qualities, try thinking about the characteristics you love about them.

Ask yourself if your expectations of your partner are unrealistic. Ask yourself how you can best express, in a healthy manner, what you want from your partner and the relationship. Ask yourself if you are communicating what you want and need or do you expect your mate to read your mind? (That never works, by the way)

WOMAN vs. MAN

Remember, men and women are very different in their approach to solving problems in a relationship.

A woman generally needs to talk about her feelings, needs and desires. She wants to feel understood and go deep into the problem. She also wants to know that her man cares enough to take the time to really listen to her express her concerns.

A man generally wants to offer solutions and solve problems. He wants to protect his woman and escape fighting and confrontation. If both people understand these differences it makes it easier to resolve conflicts and to deepen the relationship.

RESTORE HARMONY AND LOVE

To restore harmony and stop the fighting, you need to call a truce and time out. Take the necessary break period to calm the emotions. Think about exactly what you want from your partner and try to remember what you love about them.

Men should listen and not try to solve the problem immediately. Women should give the man space and time and not bombard him with strong emotions that can be frustrating and confusing.

When you come back together after the time apart, focus on your positive feelings towards your partner. Always be willing to compromise and remember the love. When you re-align in harmony the bond between you will grow stronger. Don't you think it's worth it?