I Asked For A Break But I've Changed My Mind And Want Him Back

I often hear from women who have initiated a "break" or a separation in their marriage or in their relationship. At the time, this often seemed like the right or prudent thing. But now that some time has passed, the women sometimes realize that they've made a mistake or that maybe they acted a bit hastily. I recently heard from a wife who wanted a "break" from her marriage. Her husband didn't want the separation and begged her to reconsider. However, the wife felt that she really needed the space and moved forward. That was about three months ago. And now she was realizing that she missed and loved her husband very much but she had no idea how receptive he was going to be toward her since she was the one pushing for this in the first place.

She said in part: "Now I realize that I want him back, but I'm afraid that it's too late. I think he's been trying to move on. And I'm not sure how receptive he's going to be to me because he begged me to reconsider the break and I wouldn't. Now I realize how stupid I was and I want to tell him this but lately, he's been keeping his distance from me. How do I begin to bring this up? What should I do?"

This can be a tricky situation. Wanting to just be honest is understandable, but people are often afraid of rejection or of coming from a place of weakness. In the following article, I'll discuss some suggestions and considerations on how to handle this situation.

Getting Him Back When You're The One Who Initiated The Break: Some people are tempted to just come forward and admit they made a mistake and ask if they can have another chance. And, whether this works or not is going to depend on the personality and stance of the man involved and the circumstances that lead up to the break. This does work sometimes if the husband or boyfriend is still receptive and interested in the relationship.

But, in this situation and in many others, the husband became angry and resentful that the wife would not listen to or negotiate with him and so he's resistant to her and sometimes feels that this is too little too late. In this situation, confessing the truth or asking to come back doesn't always work. So in this case, you'll often get better results if you take a more gradual approach.

You'll want to take small baby steps until you've begun to reestablish some trust. You may want to avoid having deep discussions about your relationship and where it stands until you're very sure that he is receptive again or that doing so isn't going to push him further away. And, you want to be absolutely sure that this is what you really want because if you change your mind again once you have reestablished the trust, you may well do irreparable damage. That's another good reason for taking things slowly. This also gives you the chance to evaluate how things are going to that you don't misjudge.

Dealing With The Issues That Lead To Your Wanting The Break In The First Place: Often, in this situation, the woman wants the boyfriend or husband back so much, she's willing to take all of the blame for the situation. She'll say she made a mistake or acted hastily. Or that she expected perfection or too much. She'll be willing to take on all the blame. But, often there truly was reasons for the break that, if not handled, might come up again.

And, some women will want to talk about or work through the issue immediately after they admit their mistake. Both tactics can be a mistake. You don't want to dwell on the negative when you're trying to reestablish the trust and positives in your relationship. But, if you don't deal with these things, they will likely come up later and considering this bump in the road, be harder to overcome.

So, you'll often want to strike a balance between first rebuilding and then, once the receptiveness is there, work through the issues in a mutual and healthy way so that neither of you feel that the issues are insurmountable but also so the nagging doubts that your issues are laying in wait aren't there.

You will often want to be very patient and very understanding. Your husband or boyfriend is likely still having to process all of this and they will often wonder if your thoughts are feelings are going to change again. So it may take them a while to really believe that they can trust you or even the relationship. I know that moving gradually can be difficult when you feel like you're going to lose him, but it really does give you the best chance for long term success.

It was my husband, not me, who wanted a break. I know that it wasn't over for me but for a long time, I drew on the negative rather than the positive. Thankfully, I finally woke up, made a plan, and got to work. As a result, I was able to not only restore my husband's love, but save our marriage. You can read this very personal story on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com/