I need Help with my Relationship! Where do I begin?
This is the kind of relationship help question I love to hear because the answer lies in the question. And that means you are ready to embrace the answer and the difference it can make for you.
You begin with yourself. You may have heard this before, but you cannot change anyone else. You can only change yourself. We hear this often, especially from Oprah! She always reminds people they can only change themselves, not their partners.
However, it is your relationship you need help with. What about your partner, what is his or her responsibility? What does it mean that you cannot expect to change your partner or spouse, you can only change yourself?
It means you look to yourself and the results you get from your relationship. The best way to do this is to imagine that you are 100% responsible for the results that show up in your relationship. While it may not seem fair, it is a profoundly powerful place from which to make changes in your relationship. It is definitely worth your time to give it a try. Let me explain.
Let’s say your spouse has begun to shut you out of his or her life. You just cannot seem to get through to each other any more. It is as if a wall has been built between you. Rather than look to your partner to determine what is wrong with him or her, expecting the other person to fix it; you accept what you see happening in your relationship as the results you are getting. From there you take responsibility for those results. You get outside help if you need it. But you deal with those results. If you want to change the results, then you get busy being who you need to be to create different results in your relationship.
As an example, let’s look at the sports world to see how athletes deal with their results. Take golfers, for instance. A professional golfer who isn’t winning tournaments doesn’t go to his coach and say, “I’m not winning. How can we change the other players so I can win?” In the world of sports, we would understand such a perspective to be ludicrous. Rather, the golfer works with his coach to address the results he gets in the game and figures out who he needs to be and what he needs to do in order to improve his game.
Just so, the most lasting relationship help you will ever receive will come from you as you take responsibility for your relationship results.
Using the example from above, your spouse has shut you out of his or her life. That is a result. You ask yourself, “Who do I need to be, in order to be seen, heard, and felt by my beloved again?” You may need to become someone who sees, hears, and feels the other person. Is something going on in his or her life that they cannot share with you because you have been emotionally absent? You can become the kind of spouse who is emotionally present.
Perhaps there is another reason your spouse has shut you out. Is there a lot of anger between you? Shutting you out may be a passive aggressive way of their handling the anger. What can you do to address your own anger, becoming a more loving person in the process?
Is your spouse depressed? If this is the case, you may find it challenging to claim responsibility for this result. The depression, after all, belongs to your spouse and not you. However, if it shows up in your relationship, it is one of your results. Take responsibility. Take a good long look at your spouse, his or her history, your history together, and determine what it is going to take to have your spouse trust you so that you can assist him or her in getting help for the depression.
Has your spouse shut you out and has the wall grown between you from simple neglect? What will it take for you to fall in love again? How do you need to be and what do you need to do in order to get back to the love, joy, and passion you once knew?
From this one example, you can see how when you begin with you and attend to your relationship results, you can be the change that improves your relationship. Any changes you make will affect your spouse and the relationship. They cannot remain static when you change. As you make changes that have to do with you taking responsibility, you create a space in which your spouse can show up with greater strength and potential to do the same.
Furthermore, when your relationship requires that you seek outside help from a relationship coach, for instance; when you show up already taking responsibility for your relationship, you will experience speedier improvement than if you sought the help from the status of a victim!
Another benefit to taking 100% responsibility for your relationship results is the gratitude you will experience from your spouse or partner. Taking that level of responsibility requires a level of courage that is admirable. It can even result in increased intimacy that your spouse will cherish.
(ArticlesBase SC #1034947)
Article Tags:
healthy Relationship
,Free Relationship Advice
,Christian Marriage Counseling
,I Love You
,Couples Therapy
,surviving infidelity
,ending a long term relationship
,Love Greetings
,counseling for engaged couples
,i need help with my relationship
Having a series of monogamous relationships before deciding to get married is the norm these days. At least two, if not three or four, generations have grown up watching their parents’ marriages come to an end. Some of those parents’ second and third marriages have also ended in divorce. Today, people get married later in their young adult years in an effort to avoid the pain and suffering they witnessed as children and teens.
Surviving infidelity is a painful journey. As one of the worst betrayals, it throws you back on yourself for support. Once the infidelity is brought to light, your options can be severely limited. If a discovery or confession of infidelity coincides with the unfaithful spouse calling off the marriage, you have little recourse if you’d like the option of working things out.
Couples’ therapy is different in the 21st century than it was two or more decades ago. Not only are there more kinds of therapy available, but the shame and privacy surrounding the need for therapy in many instances no longer exists. Chances are that among the young couples seeking therapy, some have experience under their belts from the counseling they experienced as children and teens. We hear about it on television so frequently that going to a therapist can seem as natural as making a sem
Couples’ therapy is different in the 21st century than it was two or more decades ago. Not only are there more kinds of therapy available, but the shame and privacy surrounding the need for therapy in many instances no longer exists. Chances are that among the young couples seeking therapy, some have experience under their belts from the counseling they experienced as children and teens. We hear about it on television so frequently that going to a therapist can seem as natural as making a se
Couples’ therapy is different in the 21st century than it was two or more decades ago. Not only are there more kinds of therapy available, but the shame and privacy surrounding the need for therapy in many instances no longer exists. Chances are that among the young couples seeking therapy, some have experience under their belts from the counseling they experienced as children and teens. We hear about it on television so frequently that going to a therapist can seem as natural as making a se
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Now that your ex girlfriend broke up with you and you still love her, you are serenely in a tuff position. Trying to get over someone you love is not easy and for most of us, our minds always wonder back to the same thought and that is how can I get her back.
If you want to get your ex boyfriend addicted to you again you do not want to keep calling him and begging him to take you back. I do not care how much this seems like your best approach to restarting the love you had between the two of you,
When did you figure out that you wanted to find out how to get back a boyfriend that broke up with you. Right after a separation it may seem impossible that you could really get back the love of your ex.
It is not unusual for the person that has been left behind by their lover to want to get back in a relationship with them. At this time you realize you are still in love with your ex. If this is you, I believe you are looking into how to get lover back before it is to late.
Your friends have just told you that your ex boyfriend, that you are still madly in love with has a new girlfriend and this hurts deep in your heart. The first thing that comes to your mind is to win ex boyfriend back before this relationship gets serious.
You realize you want to get back with ex. To insure that your ex comes back to you take a real good look at yourself and the mistakes that were made to drive your one true love away from you.
Are you sure that you are finished with your guy? Maybe now you are desperate to get guy back. Then you are going to have to have a plan of action that will help you get him back and not push him further away.
Now that your boyfriend has walked out on you but you are still madly in love with him, you are now looking for help on how to get your ex boyfriend back. Believing in the tips I am revealing in this article is a great place to start if you want to win him back.
Free relationship advice is available today like never before! This article you are reading, which will impart some measure of relationship advice, is free. How do you know which advice to follow when there is so much of it available for free on the Internet? Doesn’t the fact that it is free reduce its value?
Couples’ therapy is different in the 21st century than it was two or more decades ago. Not only are there more kinds of therapy available, but the shame and privacy surrounding the need for therapy in many instances no longer exists. Chances are that among the young couples seeking therapy, some have experience under their belts from the counseling they experienced as children and teens. We hear about it on television so frequently that going to a therapist can seem as natural as making a se
Couples’ therapy is different in the 21st century than it was two or more decades ago. Not only are there more kinds of therapy available, but the shame and privacy surrounding the need for therapy in many instances no longer exists. Chances are that among the young couples seeking therapy, some have experience under their belts from the counseling they experienced as children and teens. We hear about it on television so frequently that going to a therapist can seem as natural as making a se
Couples’ therapy is different in the 21st century than it was two or more decades ago. Not only are there more kinds of therapy available, but the shame and privacy surrounding the need for therapy in many instances no longer exists. Chances are that among the young couples seeking therapy, some have experience under their belts from the counseling they experienced as children and teens. We hear about it on television so frequently that going to a therapist can seem as natural as making a sem
Surviving infidelity is a painful journey. As one of the worst betrayals, it throws you back on yourself for support. Once the infidelity is brought to light, your options can be severely limited. If a discovery or confession of infidelity coincides with the unfaithful spouse calling off the marriage, you have little recourse if you’d like the option of working things out.
Having a series of monogamous relationships before deciding to get married is the norm these days. At least two, if not three or four, generations have grown up watching their parents’ marriages come to an end. Some of those parents’ second and third marriages have also ended in divorce. Today, people get married later in their young adult years in an effort to avoid the pain and suffering they witnessed as children and teens.
This is the kind of relationship help question I love to hear because the answer lies in the question. And that means you are ready to embrace the answer and the difference it can make for you. You begin with yourself. You may have heard this before, but you cannot change anyone else. You can only change yourself. We hear this often, especially from Oprah! She always reminds people they can only change themselves, not their partners.
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