I Want And Need For My Husband To Love Me Again: Tips And Strategies For Wives Whose Husbands Claim To No Longer Love Them

Many of the wives who contact me tell me that their husband no longer loves them. Most all of them are looking for a way to change this. I often hear comments like: "I need for him to love me again. What can or should I do?" Or, "I want so much for my husband to love me again, but I'm not sure how to make this happen because he no longer listens to or responds to me."

Most of these wives suspect that they are fighting an uphill battle. Back when their husband's were fully invested in the relationship and listening to them, things may have been different. But now that everything's changed, it's going to take a very carefully calculated (and executed) plan to regain their husband's love.

Much of the time, these suspicions are correct because the husband is already resistant to much of what the wife says. He's learned to tune her out or to question the sincerity of any thing that she says or does (even if the message is an important and sincere one.) This just isn't fair, but it's the way that things have become.

The following article is meant for the wives who are sincere in trying to get their husbands to love them again. Below, I'll offer some tips and insights that I wish I would've had when I was trying to get my own husband's affection back.

Understanding That You Can't "Make" Someone Love You Again, But You Can Create The Situation That Makes Them Want To: The emails that I receive often ask me for ways to "make" or "get" a husband to love the wife again. And, this is understandable. Because it's usually clear to the wives that the husband's feelings are too far gone for them to just return on their own. But, the mistake that they often make is in coming on too strong or allowing for the husband to think that they are going to attempt to change his mind by force or manipulation.

No one wants to believe that they can or will be manipulated, especially when it comes to their own feelings. So, if and when your husband suspects that this is what you are trying to do, it's a safe bet that he's going to do everything in his power to keep this from happening. He might limit his access to you. He might just tune you out. Or he might retreat inside himself even further.

These are the things that you absolutely can not afford to let happen. If they do, this just makes the situation that much more difficult to overcome. So, if this has been your strategy, I'd ask you to consider trying something else. I have seen these scenarios play out countless times, and I can tell you that when wives try to "make" their husband's love them, the husbands usually love them even less as a result. And, even if the wives are able to accomplish their goal, the husband is usually so resentful of the manipulation that the victory is short lived. And, once he eventually pulls back again, he's even more resistant to your strategies because he's seen this play out before.

Knowing That Your Husband's Claim That He No Longer Loves You Might Not Be Entirely Accurate: Unfortunately, many wives in this position take their husband's insistence that he no longer loves them at face value. The words are so hurtful and jarring that most people never think to question them or to evaluate them. But, it's no coincidence that you'll often hear these words in times of high stress or in the heat of the moment.

And unfortunately, this is the thing that wives focus on the most. Rather than worrying more about improving the relationship so that the loving feelings just naturally come out of it, the wives hyper focus on if the husband is starting to love them again and if so, by how much? This short sightedness can really come back to haunt you and came keep you from getting what you want. It also is more likely to contribute to your participating in desperate and negative behaviors that usually turn husband's off that much more. Sometimes, the wives come on too strong, they over compensate, and they appear clingy or desperate.

The irony is that much of the time, the love is still there, but it's buried underneath neglect, disappointment, and the increasingly stressful circumstances in which most of us live. Truly understanding this can sometimes mean that you're willing to try a less desperate and unattractive strategy (which is more likely to work.)

Ways To Encourage Your Husband To Love You Again: If you remember nothing else from what you've read here, please remember this. Husbands will generally see the people and things that elicit negative feelings in them as just as negative as their feelings. As the result, they will want to distance themselves from those things. And if you're showing emotions like fear, desperation, and manipulation, then you're actually encouraging him to distance himself from you.

But, if instead you focus on the positive emotions like understanding, validation and empathy, then you are setting it up so that your husband will eventually move toward you. If you can make your husband feel understood and validated while also making him believe that his happiness is the most important thing to you, you might be pleasantly surprised at the outcome.

Many wives make the grave mistake on focusing on the outcome (getting him to love you again) and not focusing enough on the process (improving the relationship between you so that he feels those loving emotions once again.) It's so important to understand what your husband wants and then to provide it. Often when I tell wives this, they get frustrated and tell me that they aren't entirely sure what their husband wants.

I can share with you what husband's in this situation frequently tell me. They often tell me that they feel pressured, unappreciated, unheard, and like a conquest. They often say that the spark is gone because the marriage went cold. What the truly want is the woman and the relationship that made them feel positive emotions.

But, unfortunately, many wives focus on the fear rather than the relationship. So, they will try to overcompensate by laying the emotion on so thick that insincerity is the most logical conclusion. The more your husband suspects that he's being manipulated, the harder your job becomes.

Always remember that your husband is looking for happiness and peace of mind. He's ultimately going to go with the situation that he perceives is going to make him happy. That's why it's absolutely vital that he believes that this is precisely what you genuinely want for him. Sometimes, you may need to tell him that after thinking about it, you've decided that what you really want is for the two of you to be happy, even if this means that you're happy separately.

Now, we both know that you don't really want this, but if you can pull this off, you'll often get more access to and attention from your husband. And once this happens, you want to show him that attentive and light hearted woman that he feel in love with, the one who didn't make demands or constantly ask questions or apply pressure. He wants to feel at ease if your presence again. So, it's vital that you place your focus on improving the relationship and understand that, as the result, the loving feelings almost always follow.

I absolutely understand where you are right now. A couple of years ago, my husband flat out told me he didn't love me anymore. But, eventually, it dawned on me that the tactics I was using to get him to love me again were not working. Luckily, I was able to change course and return the intimacy and affection. You can read a very personal story on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com/