Moving on After the Heartache - 3 Tips on How to Deal With a Break Up
The bitter truth is: the longer you have been in a relationship -- especially one that is based on mutual affection, the harder it becomes when dealing with a break up. There are too many things shared between the two parties involved, and it is but inevitable to expect that there is still a lot of emotional, mental and social turmoil to go through. If you are trying to find ways of moving on, especially after a particularly painful split, then here are some tips on how to handle a break up.
1. Allow yourself time to be emotional. Yell your head off if you feel angry. Cry buckets of tears if you feel cheerless. Hit a punching bag or start playing frenzied hoops if you feel the need to be physical. These are some of the actions you can make that can help relieve some of the emotional baggage you are carrying right now. If you do not give yourself this time, you might implode and lash out at the other people around you. Or worse, this could drive you to drink and stay drunk, hoping that alcohol will numb the pain away.
Instead of turning to the bottle, let your emotions out. Unlike getting drunk, you will be able to think clearly once you have blown some steam off.
2. Try to look forward to the changes you will be seeing in your life. One of the biggest fears of people who have just gone through a rather devastating breakup is that: they think that nothing will ever be the same again. And that statement is true on all levels. But then, whoever said that change will not be good for you?
After all those years together, you might want to explore other things on your own. Sure, there will be risks, and there might be some changes that you will not be comfortable with. But you do have to bear in mind that the human spirit is inherently resilient, and that (whether you like to admit it or not) you are physiologically geared to adapt to the changes that happen around you.
In other words, the best way on how to cope with a breakup, is by simply accepting that things will never be the same as before. And because you feel like you are on the bottom heap right now, then it might comfort you to know that from this moment on, everything will be looking up for you.
3. Stop blaming yourself. Have you ever heard of the maxim: "It takes two to tango?" Well, when a relationship fails, you cannot really point the blame on one person only. After all, both of you have contributed to the relationship -- either for good or for bad.
Think of it this way: if the two of you are sharing good moments together, then you are adding stitches to the fabric of your relationship. But petty disagreements, huge fights and other concerns might be tearing through the cloth, weakening the entire structure. Unless both of you make an effort to patch up your relationship though, then the fabric will eventual break apart and fall away.
So stop blaming yourself for not being able to save your relationship, because if you are the only one doing the stitching and patching, then maybe this fabric is not worth working on at all. Maybe, after a time, you can rebuild what you previously had with this person if he or she too is willing to put in some work to save your relationship.
Or maybe... just maybe, this is a sign that you deserve a better, much stronger relationship instead -- one where your partner will be willing to add sturdier stitches to the fabric.
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