Regretful Breakups: Do You Really Want Them Back

Posted: Sep 18, 2009 |Comments: 0 |

This is a subject that stirs up a lot of different emotions.  Most of the women I speak with say that the breakup occurs for a reason so once they are an ex they will always remain an ex.  I can understand this reasoning where a lot of people are concerned.  But there have been times when the breakup occurred because emotions were high, you were tired of arguing and you just wanted to lash out.  Regretful breakups do happen so here are some tips that may help you decide if you really want them back.

You can start by making a list of all the things you love about your ex.  Do you enjoy spending time together, do you have a lot in common, are the lines of communication open, do you want the same things out of life, etc.  After you have finished writing everything down that you love about your ex, now write down what you don't love about your ex.  Maybe they aren't dependable, maybe they are inconsiderate, they always put you last, they never want to do what you enjoy, they don't want the same things you do, etc.  Be sure to give this some time and really think long and hard about this.  After you are finished with your list, the things you listed that you love about your ex should be a lot longer than the things you don't love about them.  If there are more things listed that you don't love about them, then maybe the breakup was for the best.


Have you and your ex been through any type of counseling before the breakup.  If so and the breakup still occurred, you have to ask yourself why.  Maybe your problems stemmed from lack of intimacy and you found after counseling that you were still having problems in that particular area.  Maybe you aren't able to communicate with each other and you both seem to always skirt around the issues and never get down to the real problems.  Until the problems you have had that helped caused the breakup are resolved, it won't matter if you get back together or not.  You will most likely end up in the same position at a later date until you can actually solve these problems.

Another area to consider is do you feel you are understood.  Do you listen to each other, support each other or help each other in your times of need!  Do you feel like they understand you?  This is extremely important in order to make a relationship work.

Is there a concern about trust in your relationship!  Have either of you gone outside the partnership to find comfort, understanding, someone that listens to you, etc.?  All of these needs should be met within the relationship if you want it to work.

If you are seriously considering getting back with your ex because you regret the breakup, you have to deal with the issues that caused the breakup in the first place.  There are many things you must think about before trying to rekindle your romance.  Be honest with yourself and don't jump back in just because you miss your ex.  Ask yourself the hard questions and make sure you answer them honestly.  Only you will know for sure if the relationship is worth trying once more.

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    Overcoming the regret of breaking up with someone will not be as easy as it sounds. It would be nice if we could just snap our fingers and make our feelings of regret go away. Of course it doesn't work like that. To overcome the regret of breaking up with someone you must be able to justify the reasons that the break up occurred in the first place.

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