Relationship Stage Analysis as the leading Marriage Counseling Process
Relationship Stage Analysis as a Marriage Counseling Process
Why do I do what I do as a Marriage Counseling Professional? This article elaborates on this theme.
As an effective Psychologist, Relationship Advice provider, Life coach and Marriage Counseling practitioner, while working to save a relationship, I find it very helpful to form an opinion as to the current "stage" of the relationship. Here I explain the ‘how' and ‘why' behind this practice.
Many scholars and practitioners agree that relationships generally go through five phases of development: Honeymoon, Accommodation, Challenge, Cross Roads, and Rebirth.
Phase 1: The Honeymoon
This is the romantic, passionate, stars-in-the-eyes phase. I either get the impression that sex is good and there is never enough of it, or I stop and ask about it. There ought to be plenty of attraction and sexuality between them and if not, it becomes a priority in my discussion. The Psychologist role is leading here.
Phase 2: Accommodation We all have to deal with the day-to-day realities of life. In the Accommodation stage, compromises are made regarding the fulfillment of our needs and expectations. As a result we engage, from time to time, in power struggles when our partners' habits, needs, anger and withdrawal patterns become uncomfortable to us. It is important for me to question the proportion of these struggles to the entire marriage xperience. A few examples are "how soon', ‘how much', and ‘how intensive'. I have an opportunity to learn from this stage the potential strength of the couple in problem solving, managing conflict, and their communication patterns. The Life Coach role is the leading one here.
Phase 3: The Challenge Starting a new job, dealing with unemployment or the unfortunate occurrence of an accident or family illness are events that allow me to assess how strong the relationship is. It is fair to say that challenges are usually unwanted but nevertheless necessary for the couple if they really want to know what to expect from each other. I also need to know these expectations also. Raising children is a positive challenge; I definitely need to know how it reflects each partners' qualities and their value system and ability to prioritize the family's future needs. I'm a typical Marriage Counseling professional here…
Phase 4: The Crossroads
When a couple reaches this stage they have experienced a number of challenges (e.g. medical or money problems). In addition, more life decisions will be made (e.g. to have children, where to live, spending habits). This stage is different from the Challenge Phase because the couple has learned how each responds to these situations. This is the stage in which I learn how mature their emotional patterns are in dealing with their differences. It is most common at this stage for serious problems to develop. Typically, I expect to hear one or more from the following three: debates and regrets regarding the relationship, emotional withdrawal as a survival mechanism and attempts to force the other person to drastically change. When both individuals clearly see this progression I am able to offer a therapeutic strategy. Here I can fully exercise my role as a Relationship Advice provider.
Phase 5: Rebirth (New marriage lifestyle)
70-75% of all couples whom I have counseled have reached this positive stage of a "new beginning". At this point, folks really know the person they have married; couples feel once again appreciated and loved. It is my scientific Psychologist role practice to arrange a one-year follow-up consultation either in person or by phone to gather the qualitative as well as quantitative data in order to identify the couples' continued ability to positively communicate with each other their disappointments, hurts, frustrations and most importantly their sexual intimacy.
Questions and Answers
There were three major Life Coach ‘learning and change’ missions which I identified for the intended Marriage Counseling: A. For your husband - value system and perceptions change, un-learning of habits and culturally accepted behaviors, stress management. B. For you – learn to be strong in order to say and act “No More”. C. For you both - change parts of your marital lifestyle in order to find more common grounds and shared positive experiences.
Here is my Life Coach Relationship Advice: do not give up, I said; you both have a lot of work to do, but I’m sure you can handle it and even enjoy it. You do not need to be a Psychologist. Since marriage is a reciprocal chain of behaviors, there are a lot of actions and behaviors that you could do that have the power to trigger your husband to transform his attitudes and parental style. Lead him to learn to enjoy his kids and help you both to enjoy each other in the process!
Do the both of you, do you think, want to try to make the relationship work? I asked her. I needed to see how much, if any, motivation was still left there. “I, I just don’t know. I mean I want to try to make it work, it’s what’s best for the kids I think.” She answered me. I listened to what she DID NOT SAY; she did not mention HERSELF. I then new that K. was not yet ready… Another process had to be called for, prior to ant Marriage Counseling attempt.
How do I do Marriage Counseling? How does it looks like? Six steps of my marriage counseling processes are reviewed; the various qualities of being a marriage counselor, a psychologist, a life coach and a relationship advice provider are outlined.
You could be your own Psychologist I said. It could indeed be empty-nest syndrome; but there were many more aspects of the relationship that needed to be explored before I could offer any real Relationship Advice.
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At the time of a breakup, there is an action you can take that will make him stop in his tracks and wonder what hit him. But what is you are too shocked to act? No problem, learn how you can still make him come running back to you.
Break up messages are also getting in fashion these days a result of increase in number of break ups. Right away after the break up, all the lovers usually feel very low and sad and are in search of motivation and moral support. Some of them begin listening old sad melodies. After break ups, people love to send sad and taunt messages to their Ex-lovers. They also send sad poetry text messages relevant to their separation.
Your lady was this adore of one's living, yet at this point she's no more in the image. You still think about your girlfriend along with desire your girlfriend back. Soon after a new split up, is there every hope of acquiring ways to get your ex lover to come back?
Any intervention in which a third party – Psychologist, Marriage Counselor, Life Coach, Medical professional or clergy – provides types of ‘therapy’ for either a married couple or a partnership who tries to resolve problems in their relationship.
Almost every relationship encounters rough waters. Some will need professional involvement. If you decide to start professional Marriage Counseling with a marriage counselor, psychologist, or life coach, please know that a pre-requisite is not only the fee but the beneficial process of all parties. Here are five questions you should ask yourself prior to this process; be sure you put your 4 ‘yes’ answers and the 1‘no’ at the right places.
How do I do Marriage Counseling? How does it looks like? Six steps of my marriage counseling processes are reviewed; the various qualities of being a marriage counselor, a psychologist, a life coach and a relationship advice provider are outlined.
An effective Psychologist, Life coach and Marriage Counseling practitioner should always remember the first year in college, where the basic psychological principles were presented. Not all wheels could and should re-invent themselves. What do I do and why as a Marriage Counseling professional has a sound foundation, once basic Principles of Learning are applied.
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