Save a Relationship: 7 Steps to Save a Relationship

Sally and Rick  are parents.  Rick works long hours to make ends meet monetarily.  Sally feels he is a workaholic, not there for her.   She works hard meeting the needs of the household members, and Rick doesn't feel that she meets his needs.  Aaargh!   Can this relationship be saved?  Should it be saved?  Here are 7 steps to save a relationship.

First, the very important common ground  of both people wanting to save the relationship, to stay in it, must be met.  The question, "Stay or go?" needs to be answered.  To just stay in for the kids sake just doesn't cut it.  A commitment by both parties that the relationship is worth saving is needed.

Second, you must pinpoint the problem or problems in a relationship.  One of the biggest problems in how to save a relationship is that people believe the symptoms of the problem are the problem itself.  

For example, many people think an affair is a problem that causes break ups.  Really, the affair is a symptom of a deeper problem, like a lack of true intimacy.  Yes, the affair is the immediate disruption that brought the problem out in the open, but the underlying cause of the affair was the lack of intimacy in the primary relationship.  

Next,  begin to share your thoughts.  Both partners can verbalize their feelings and listen to each other's concerns.  Hold your partner's hand when you are talking about your problems as a signal that you want to reconnect even when your emotions are swirling.  When your partner talks about things that hurt you remember that he or she is not doing it because he or she wants to hurt you.   Rather it is because they want to improve the relationship.

Create an action plan to solve  the pinpointed problems. Then, take concrete steps on your action plan.  Forget any avoidance strategies. Instead, take turns coming up with creative ways to spend an evening together a certain day of the week.   If ommunicating is the problem, commit to spending 20 minutes before going to bed just talking to one another.  Sticking to an action plan is how to save a relationship.

Lastly, realize that saving a relationship is an ongoing process.  You are going to take two steps forward only to take one step back.  There is going to be both laughter and tears going forward.  Be quick to apologize and slow to blame.