Top 10 Reasons Relationships End (Part 1 of 3)

Hearts do heal. It has been said that time heals all wounds. This is not the case in love. Rather, it is the time we take out to understand and appreciate (right or wrong) our partner's perspective and "their world" that determines recovery or the final ending of any relationship.  

Part 2 and 3 of this article is the "Top 10 Ways Recover Your Relationship" as these Top 10 Reasons Relationships End are not without remedy. The below Top 10 are not listed in any priority.

First: sometimes one will leave a relationship because they need life to show them what they lost by walking away and those are the ones that test our patience. Often upon returning enough time and trouble has passed to make the relationship unrecoverable or just not wanted.

Second: others leave because they feel pressure for whatever reason and appropriately or inappropriately have chosen to label their partner as the cause of the pressure or the reason the pressure is not relieved. This lack of communication and possibly misguided perception all too often starts out as an excuse that evolves in to a matter-of-fact the more often they focus and tell others of their troubles, especially since misery loves company. The shared misery is a strong tie that binds. It can and will lead them away.

Third: Unfortunately, we must at least entertain the possibility that not all people are wired to be monogamous. This is a two fold issue. On the one hand there are those who just like to cheat; on the other hand are those who easily fall in love with everyone. For the cheaters there is a thrill of rush and conquest, possibly even revenge and rebellion since they know what they are doing is wrong. In the latter case, those who fall in love with anyone and everyone, they do not see the error of their ways and are highly unlikely to change their ways. These exponential lovers also fail to see the damage they do to others, the dangers of their actions, and the lack of depth of real love that comes with an exclusive, committed, and monogamous relationship.

Fourth: A sense of priorities or strongly held beliefs will supersede any relationship and will always come first. This falls into their perception of who they are and what the believe about the world and their purpose in life. These priorities are the guiding force in their lives and what propels them foreword.

Fifth: Many have a fear of the vulnerability that comes with the intimacy of a deep loving relationship. Some people have been hurt so deeply that as the relationship progresses they reach the danger zone of realizing the possibility of being hurt. Often efforts to assure them and give them security in this regard are met with mistrust and further rejected.

Sixth: Some have what I term as A.D.D.D. or Attention Deficit Dating Disorder as exhibited with most Alpha type personalities. While their Alpha personality makes them powerfully magnetic there are many drawbacks as well as dangers with attempting to establish a relationship with an Alpha type. If, by chance, you are an Alpha personality be prepared to clash at least once to establish who is perse the top dog. Also, realize the danger of too often clashing and harm of insanity of those clashes. Are you both just in it to win it?

Seventh: Living in the shadow of a previous partners love is a no win situation that is not often realized until it is too late. While dating certainly is bad dating etiquette to bring up the subject of any ex. This certainly is a flag not to be ignored, this even if it is a little slip. It means that as they are looking at you they are thinking of someone else which is the last thing anyone wants. If they are stuck in the past you will not find a future with this person.

Eighth: Learned bad relationship habits can be the results of childhood up bring, the influence of friends, and what they believe is acceptable behavior. Just as teaching an old dog new tricks this issue is a tough one because these habits are done without thinking. It is an automatic response.

Ninth: A difference in values will put you both on different tracks of life and a very real challenge for love. Figuratively, one of you will be up all day chasing butterflies and the other up all night chasing fireflies. You may be attracted to each other because of the close similarity but the differences literally put you in a different place doing different things at different times for different reasons.

Tenth: Knowing your partners "Rules" for a relationship is essential. You must know what they expect, and how they perceive a relationship progressing, being established, and leading to commitment. Without knowing their rules you are bound to break them. One lady I know drove 7.5 hours to surprise her boyfriend one Sunday morning with hugs, kisses, and offer of help as he was overwhelmed with work at that time. Instead he perceived her selfless act as intruding on his privacy. As a result with her heart in hands as she rang the door bell expecting the best she was verbally attacked, rejected, and sent the 7.5 hour drive back home in tears! Needless-to-say, the relationship ended shortly thereafter.

Finally, these above reasons are not without remedy. Part 2 and 3 of this article is the "Top 10 Ways Recover Your Relationship" which address these issues in the order in which they do appear within this article.