Business: Having the Courage to Use the B Word

I am rarely caught totally off guard by one of my clients but it happened recently. "I just can't bring myself to use the "B" word about myself," she whispered.

"The "B" word?" I thought ( ...and I bet your mind and mine jumped to the same first guess!) but the first word that came to my mind seemed particularly inappropriate in the case of this polite, friendly, middle-class woman who wanted her own business. "Which "B" word?" I asked cautiously.

"Business person," she replied, as if the words left a bad taste in her mouth. "I am totally happy seeing myself as a Professional Organizer but I just can't picture myself as a business person."

I immediately felt myself back on solid ground. You might be surprised at how many small business owners I come across who are comfortable thinking of themselves as part of a particular profession... but feel totally uncomfortable thinking of themselves as business owners, marketing professionals, or sales persons. Usually this is because these roles have activities associated with them that my potential clients dread.

Sometimes, however, there is a sense of guilt or shame attached to the idea of being a "business person." One of my recent clients came from a family who had all been service professionals for generations... doctors, nurses, lawyers. She herself was a social worker. For her, the "M" word was a hard one... "Money." For twenty years, her services to her clients had been paid for by a non-profit organization. The idea of asking someone to pay her for her time and services was appalling to her.

If you have strong feelings of aversion to some aspect of business you cannot "avoid and still stay in business" here are a five tips for addressing the problem:

1. First you have to recognize that your feelings are acquired and not "Reality-with-a-capital R." How can you tell? Because if EVERYONE on the planet felt as you do there would BE no businesses. Clearly business is happening all around you and run by decent, hardworking people! So the problem is INSIDE you, not outside. This is very good news because if a problem is "yours" there is a much better chance that you can do something about it!

2. An understanding that the problem is yours still may not make you feel any better. The second step is to just give some thought to where you picked up this belief, attitude or bad feeling. Did it come from your family? Did something happen to you in the past? Did you pick it up in response to some cultural archetype? (Many people have strong, negative associations for the word "sales person" but don't think twice about the fact that they meet good, helpful, informative, sales people all the time - many more, in fact, than the few "sales alligators" they may come across.) It will help you unravel the negative belief if you know how you got it.

3. Get a piece of paper and fold it in half lengthwise. On the left list all the good things that will happen if you change this belief to it's opposite. On the right list all the bad things you believe will happen. Take a really good and careful look at the negative side. Are all those things really true? I once had a client who strongly believed that he would lose the respect of all his friends if he really starting doing sales for his business. As a result he became so obscure in his efforts to talk about his product that very few people even knew what he was talking about. Four weeks after our first sessions, with a professional sales dialogue under his belt and new marketing activities up and running, he had changed his mind. His friends actually admired him for starting his own business and were delighted to hear about his success. Much to his surprise, they even expressed a little envy!

4. Try this sentence on for size, "If I have to do xyz (marketing, networking, sales, whatever you dread!) for my business then I am going to find some way to enjoy doing it, and I'm going to get good at it!" What comes up for you when you say that aloud? Do you immediately know what your first steps should be?

5. Finally, get some consulting help if you need it. It can be really hard being a sole-proprietor and working to change your own unconscious, negative beliefs even though they are holding you back from being successful in your business. Sometimes a little focused help with a business consultant can move you through this problem more quickly than you can do it on your own.