True Connections Come With Understanding

Kids have a way with connecting with each another. In fact, watching a five-year-old enter a room with two dozen other kids his age can teach you a valuable lesson about real networking.

Within minutes of walking into a crowded gym, five-year-old strangers flock together with one mission: playtime. Developing an instant, yet nameless, affinity for each other, they interact as if they have known each other for years. Without difficulty or restrictions, they are playing games, laughing, and having a genuinely good time.

There is no positioning. There are no politics. There are no inhibitions, labels or assumed barriers – just pure connections. In their eyes, everyone in that gym is just a kid, like them. That simple fact is enough to make those around them their new best friends.

If you were to take that same group of kids and fast forward twenty years, a different scenario would unfold. Suddenly, there would be issues, differences and barriers. Much would change in the way these same people interact with one another. The question, then, is at what point in our lives do we develop these limiting inhibitions?

As adults, there is an unnecessary layer between ourselves and others. Sometimes this layer is due to pride, insecurity, or even a false sense of deference. These causes, though varied, can instantly be dissolved the moment you choose to dissolve them. All it takes is the effort to make a true connection with those around you.

One of the main reasons adults find it hard to connect with others is our difficulty with communication. We often forget that real communication comes through understanding, not just hearing and responding. If we can change the way we listen to one another, we can instantly change how effectively we connect with one another.

Too often, in networking especially, we listen to others with the intent to respond. We fall into the trap where the only reason we listen at all is so we know how to respond. Soon, the voice in our head is louder than the voice of the person talking as we evaluate which response we should use and when we should use it.

There are various reasons why we do this. As adults, we may have formed preconceptions of others and tend to see things only through our tunnel-vision lenses. We may feel tempted to only really get to know and understand those who can benefit us.

Other times, our lack of effort has nothing to do with who are speaking with. We may try to guide a conversation a certain way or just be eager and impatient to tell our own story. Many times, we may feel insecure and inhibited by unspoken guidelines for making the right impression and saying the right words.

Real connections, however, are made not from a perfect response, but through perfect understanding. Each of us has a unique and interesting story, so there is always something new and unique to learn from everyone you meet. When you make the effort to truly understand not just what a person says, but who they are, you are able to successfully break the barriers and connect with that person.

Instead of allowing yourself to stop and question every move you make and every word you say, focus on connecting with others genuinely. Combine the confidence of a five-year-old with the courtesy of an adult to introduce yourself and get to know others. Let go of insecurities, inhibitions and archaic, social hierarchies. Remember what it was like to be a five-year-old and meet people for the sake of having fun and enjoying another person's company.

You'll be surprised at how the simple act of listening to understand will improve your ability to connect with others in your personal and professional life. These connections are what create a strong and healthy network of loyal and lasting friends.