Chocolate! (It's Still Funny)

Hello Again, In acknowledgment of your favourable response to my previous humorous/pointless ramblings about my love of chocolate and the passion displayed by other chocolate worshippers, I have decided to give you another offering. You will see that, far from being cured of my chocolate madness, the condition is in fact worsening. However, I am seeing someone about it and they assure me that shopping online would be the best way to keep my supplies up and so avoid suffering the effects of sudden deficiency. So far, it seems to be working. So these are my latest random chocolate thoughts (apologies in advance):-

Q: What's brown on the sides, brown on top, surrounded by brown, with a large nut on the inside?

A: My house of course!

Q: How many chocolate bars does it take to fill an average sized room?

A: That would depend on whether you allow room inside for me to ...ere...do the counting...and by the way; does the room have a door?... (The largest chocolate bar ever made weighed 5,026 lbs and was exhibited by Elah-Dufour United Food Companies at Eurochocolate in Turin, Italy in March 2000.)

What's the point of a chocolate fountain if all you can do is dip things in it?... (Pastry Chef Jean-Philippe Maury with Norwood and Antonia Oliver Design Associate Inc, created the largest chocolate fountain in the world, standing at 27 feet tall and circulating more than 2100 pounds of melted chocolate).

A chocolate bar was out in the sun pouring milk over itself. Another bar asked why. It replied, 'I'm not well, I've got the shakes.' ... (Ira Freehof the owner of Comfort Diners together with Parmalat USA & American Dairy Association, set the record for the largest milk shake in the world in the form of a 6,000 gallon classic Black & White Shake (equal to 50,000 standard shakes)

Did you hear about the world's first 'Glow- In-the-Dark' chocolate? When the lights were turned off, it glowed for about three seconds and then mysteriously disappeared - I was there when it happened....(Hey! don't look at me like that!)

There is only one type of chocolate. My Chocolate!

Q: Why does chocolate melt in the mouth?

A: Where else would you have it melt?... (The best way to melt chocolate is to break it into small pieces and heat until partly melted then remove from the heat and stir thus using the retained heat to melt the rest. Over-heating will cause scorching which will make the chocolate distasteful and cannot be rectified).

I once owned a chocolate factory but I just couldn't make a profit... (In 1871; 19yr old Milton Hereshey set up his first chocolate factory in Pennsylvania,USA)

The perfect size for a chocolate sculpture is about two inches tall by about one inch wide - I just love miniature art!... (A record breaking 7-metric-ton chocolate heart that was unveiled in Madrid. Designed by artist Lluis Morera, produced by Spain's largest chocolate manufacturer (Chocovic) daringly commissioned by Match.com).

Contrary to popular belief; fine chocolate isn't the only thing I love - I just don't waste time on all the other useless stuff in life.

I think it was a great idea to invent drinking-chocolate for people without teeth... (Until the 19th century chocolate was consumed in the form of a flavored drink. The first solid chocolate bar is thought to have been made by JS Fry who combined the cocoa cake (pressed cocoa) with large amounts of cocoa butter and sugar to create a reasonably solid form).

Chocolate covered fruit-What a wind-up!

I love bringing out the luxury chocolates when friends come around - There's just something about that look on their faces while they watch me eating... (Couverture chocolate is the finest quality chocolate coating both in viscosity and in the quality of the carefully chosen cocoa beans. It contains considerably higher amounts of cocoa butter than regular chocolate therefore requiring specialist skills to temper it).

I'm not a chocoholic! - I'm just not very likeable without it!

Q: Where's the best place to store gourmet chocolate?

A: Personally, I find; a solid-steel safe with a combination lock, built into a concrete wall, hidden behind a secret door disguised in the form of a bookshelf; works well for me. Still: I remain open to suggestions! (I'm not sure about the armed-guard thing though)... (Chocolate should be kept in a cool and dry place. Excessive heat or condensation will cause chocolate blooming (chalky white build-up on the surface of the chocolate).

In the United Kingdom: you are no longer allowed to drive and eat at the same time - Now, I just don't know what to do with my hands....

The best times for eating chocolate are: morning, afternoon and evening, and no other times (except possibly at night), but definitely no other times.

I once had a chocolate carpet. They're easy to clean but after a while you do get a sore tongue.... Hey! Don't knock it till you've tried it!... (The largest chocolate chip cookie was made by 'The Immaculate Baking Company' in Hendersonville, North Carolina and measured 100ft in diameter). 'Wouldn't that make a great floor covering!'

Well I think that's just about enough of that. Like I said, there's been no real improvement since my last insightful revelations and this probably should be the last of its kind. However if you think otherwise, please feel free to let me know.