Children's Wear – Building Their Self-Esteem on a Budget

Thirty years ago, I was growing up as the eldest child in a working class family of six. There were many times that there was just barely enough food on the table, much less money to outfit our constantly growing bodies. I was not a very empathetic child, so I greatly resented my parents' inability to afford the things I wanted. Often I found myself eyeing other children's bright, new, fashionable outfits, and I swore to myself that when I grew up, I would be certain to have plenty of money, with all of the shoes, dresses and beautiful outfits I could possible want, and my children would also enjoy and endless supply of beautiful clothing, so that they would always feel as good as the other kids their age. They would always feel as though they fit in.

Well, three decades later, I felt a lot more sympathy for my parents and their financial predicament. A widowed single mother, I found myself looking for work that would support the both of us with little job experience, and only an associate's degree in liberal arts. (read: excellent for tying together random credits in order to pursue a bachelors degree; worthless for trying to find a job that will support a mom and her small daughter.)

I wound up in a cramped apartment in a small town, and working a low paying office job. My biggest concern, aside from the health and welfare of my child, was how to pay the bills. As my daughter grew, with astonishing rapidity, I was reminded of my childhood, with my mother's frustration every time the hems of our jeans crept high enough to show off our socks. I was pretty sure her frustration was matched by my own. But at the same time, it wasn't this little girls fault that Mommy was unprepared for the world, and it wasn't her job to figure out how to make ends meet so that we could live, and even thrive. She had had enough stress with the death of my husband and subsequent move from our home into a small apartment. It was my job to figure these things out. I longed for her to have a happier childhood than mine, and to feel that she was on par with other children. Although I know now that self esteem is something that comes from within, rather than without, I also knew that the constant frustration of never being able to join in the clothing fads of other children hurts. And if the other children notice and make fun of your out-of-date and ill fitting clothing, it can eat away at your confidence, and leave anger and jealousy in its wake.

By then, I had seen enough of life to realize that one should not receive every item her heart desires, nor was it healthy to be spoiled with a never-ending stream of clothing. But it is important to feel solidarity with one's peers, and with children, this is often through obsessions with clothing, whether new styles or brands. I was blessed to be able to receive hand me downs from friends who outfit their children well, and I encourage other parents to consider such clothing. Not only does it help the environment, (by not using resources to produce new clothing) it will also free up funds that can be used to support the biannual 'fads' that children's fashion seems to take. And if you pass your child's clothing on when it is outgrown, you help another family offset the high cost of raising a child, and perhaps let them breathe a little easier when their child shoots up faster than expected.

I also have scouted out my local thrift shops in our town and surrounding communities, and have found a couple that tend to carry nicer children's clothing. Whenever I find myself in that neighborhood, I am sure to stop and quickly check the section that carries her size and the next size as well. I like to have items in the next size up so that I am ready for any sudden growth spurts, and do not have to scramble around looking for clothes.

Being unprepared is usually a guarantee that I will have to spend a lot of money outfitting her in department store items at full price, since there never seems to be a sale when you really, really need it. Being as careful as I am with a large portion of her clothing, however, frees up enough money that I feel I can 'splurge' on the trends that inevitably crop up among the elementary school crowd. By allowing her these items when they come into fashion, my daughter gets the joy of participating in the fun with her friends. At the same time, because she is not spoiled with a constant stream of new clothing, she retains some of her excitement about them, and is not jaded by getting everything she wants, before she even knows she wants it.

Also, by waiting for her to ask me to join in these trends, I am able to skip the ones she is not interested in, or doesn't even notice. This spring, my daughter was obsessed with Crocs. She has 2 pair, and wore them every day for months. So did most of her friends. This fall, it seems to be Aeropostale hoodies. She and her cousins each have one of the bright colored sweatshirts. And really, I don't mind supporting these wants of hers. Often, just one or two of the desired items is enough to slake her thirst for them, which, again, saves me a bundle, rather than filling up her closet with the fad item in every available color. And in childhood, most treasured items are forgotten in a few months anyway, and a new one comes into style. By utilizing other avenues for outfitting your child, parents can save a lot of money. Hand me downs and thrift store items are invaluable to providing the basics of a wardrobe, and stocking up on items in their next size can save a bundle, as well. Waiting for your child to request a new item that has come into style is also a great strategy, as it lets the fads your child dislikes or doesn't even notice to pass you by. And when you accent your child's wardrobe with the desired items of their peer group, they are going to receive the items that really mean the most to them, and you have the satisfaction of providing them with a wardrobe that pleases them, at a price that satisfies you.