Emotions and Feelings – Letting Go Of Hurt Feelings
I am a true believer of expressing emotions and feelings. I believe the only way out of emotions is through them. If your feelings have been hurt, pushing it down won't work. If your feelings have been hurt, dumping feelings on the person who hurt them won't work either. What works is letting go appropriately. But how does one do that? Elsewhere on the site I give you instructions to write Love Letters. Love Letters were designed to be used as a tool for appropriate expression of emotions and feelings.
John Gray and Barbara deAngelis taught me how to write Love Letters in 1982. I've been writing them ever since. I can do them in my sleep or in my head if I don't have a computer or a piece of paper handy. I am an expert. I teach them. I coach them. I probably even nag about them. Love Letter used correctly are a great way of letting go.
I was talking to one of my coaches this morning and I shared with her two little stories about what happens when someone isn't open to your feelings and she suggested I share them with you all. Here they are:
Story #1 - I have a very good friend for 30 years. She has been totally instrumental in my life. She sent me to the first workshop where I learned about emotions and feelings and learned to write Love Letters. (I also happened to meet my lovely husband there but that's another story.) She is also very unafraid of her own anger and can be very strong is expressing it. Growing up with the mother I had and just being myself, I'm not wild about being around that so when I was upset with her many years ago, I wrote her a Love Letter. She didn't want to write one but assured me she could just do it verbally.
Well, it didn't work out so well. I read mine to her – ending with lots of love and forgiveness that was truly in my heart. Then it was her turn. Because she's so forceful in her anger and it is so easy for her to express, it about knocked me over. Because she wouldn't write the letter, she was unable to gauge whether the love she expressed was at least as long or longer then the anger she expressed (one of the vital rules involved in Love Letters).
My questions to you: How does it feel to you when a whole load of anger is dumped on you with no resolution of forgiveness and love and understanding.
Story #2 - In my past I worked for years in a couple of personal growth organizations. Love Letters were used in the culture of the community surrounding the group but the leaders refused to receive them even though they taught them. I strongly requested that I be allowed to use one to communicate my upset. I was given the OK verbally but the person to whom I read the letter had their heart completely closed to what I said – even all the love. If I had know then what I know now, I would have stopped as soon as I realized this. But I did not. I kept going. It felt as if all of the feelings multiplied by 10 bounced back off that closed heart and fell all over me. It was very painful.
Questions and Answers
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Do you notice any an underlying theme throughout these little stories? Do you notice the self-esteem journey written within?
Life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it! Have a blessed, garbage-free day!
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