Learning To Love Ourselves

| Posted: 22-04-2006 | Comments: 0 | Views: 292 | Rating: (55)

(?)

Our doubt concerning our self-worth is the main obstacle to our emotional and inter-relational harmony. This doubt is the cause of our greatest fears such as being rejected, laughed at, ignored, unloved, and most of all, of being alone.

Loneliness and Doubt

Loneliness is the disease of our age, and its cause is self-doubt. Fear of being alone is perhaps our most ancient one. It comes from the fact that in the past, he who was not accepted was ostracized from the group. In those days, that did not mean simply feeling lonely, but also being unable to survive.

Another factor that makes us fear rejection or not being accepted by others is the fear of being punished by them or by God. We have been brought up to believe in a God, whose love is conditional, depending upon whether we are perfect in His/Her/Its eyes or not.

Childhood Programming

We receive messages from our parents and other important persons throughout our childhood years concerning whether and under what conditions we are good or worthy.

As children, we learn from adults that we must measure our self-worth by: 1. What others think of us. 2. The results of our efforts in school, our profession and life. 3. Our appearance 4. How we compare to others. 5. How much we know. 6. How much money we have. 7. And various other conditions

Our doubt of our self-worth then becomes our greatest obstacle to inner peace, harmonious communication and loving relationships. These doubts are the foundation of most of our negative emotions and relationship conflicts.

If we had more self-acceptance, we would have less need to prove ourselves to others.

Then we would not feel offended so frequently and we could overlook others' negativity and be at peace with them regardless of their behavior.

Let us now look at how we can increase and stabilize our self-acceptance.

The first step is to discover the situations in which we lose our sense of self-worth or self-acceptance.

The reasons we most often loose our feelings of self-worth are examined in the following questionnaire.

OBSTACLES TO LOVING OURSELVES

In which situations do you lose your sense of self-love, self-worth, self- esteem or self-acceptance?

1. When others ask for your help and you * do not say "yes" *, or do not respond.

2. When you have * made a mistake * or have * failed * at some effort.

3. When * others are more capable * than you are at certain tasks or concerning certain qualities (i.e. intelligence, artistic ability, speech, sports, cooking, professional success, their children's success, economically, making friends, employing disciplines).

4. When * others attract more attention, * esteem and respect in a group situation.

5. When others * have offered more to you * than you have offered them.

6. When you are * not perfect *.

7. When * others criticize, are angry at or reject you *.

8. When * others do not agree with you or believe that you are wrong *.

9. When others * are able to manipulate you *. 10. When * you have "created" pain * for others.

11. When you are * not in harmony with your conscience *.

The accompanying more detailed questionnaire will help us determine more clearly when we lose our feelings of self-worth. We suggest that as you read through it, you mark those items that might relate to you.

I Tend to Lose My Feelings of Self-Worth: (Worth what; love, happiness, health, success, satisfaction?)

1. When others criticize me, blame me, or do not approve of me. 2. When others are angry with me. 3. When my children, spouse or parents are not happy, healthy, successful, or satisfied. 4. When I do not know as much as others around me. 5. When I do not have an intimate relationship partner. 6. When my house is not clean and in order. 7. When my partner shows interest in others. 8. If I am not successful professionally. 9. If I do not have enough money. 10. If I am not attractive to the opposite sex. 11. If I do not make an impression on others. 12. If I do not have many sexual successes. 13. If others do not respect me. 14. If my child is ill. 15. If I do not have what others have. 16. If I am not perfect. 17. If I do not achieve many things. 18. If others are able to cheat or mislead me. 19. If I do not have ___________________________ 20. If I do not do______________________________ 21. Other reasons ___________________________

SOCIAL PROGRAMMING OR CONSCIENCE

Once we have established the particular situations or stimuli that obstruct our feelings of self-worth or self-acceptance, we will need to separate our answers into two groups.

1. Those which have to do with * social programming * and not with our conscience. In such a case, we need to analyze each reason separately as we attempt to discover and change the beliefs that cause us to lose our self-acceptance in those situations.

When we lose our feelings of self-worth because of social programming we are buying into societies illusions concerning who is worthy and who is not. We are measuring ourselves by superficial standards set by society such as money, appearance profession etc, and not by our conscience, such as honesty, love, sincerity, selflessness etc.

2. Situations in which we reject ourselves because our * actions are not in alignment with our inner conscience *. We behave toward others, as we would not like them to behave toward us. Our answers to 10 and 11 in the first questionnaire might indicate such situations.

In such cases, we are interested in how we could react differently in those situations so that our behavior is in tune with our conscience.

In these second cases which have to do with conscience, we will most often find that we behave in such ways because we are being controlled by the previous categories if social beliefs.

For example we tell lies (matter of conscience) because we believe that our self-worth depends on what others think about us and thus want to hide the truth from them

The final solution for the matter of self-worth is to realize that all beings deserve love and respect exactly as they are regardless of all their flaws simply because they are unique aspects of divine creation- just as all flowers and all of nature.

In such a case, we must not confuse one's ability and/or morality with worthiness of love and respect. As aspects of divine creation all deserve love and respect regardless of ability or morality.

The difference is that those who have ability deserve positions of greater responsibility that those without. While those without morality do deserve our love and respect they may not deserve trust or freedom to move about in society, until they are healed of their problem.l

Rate this Article:

Current: 0 / 5 stars - 0 vote(s).

Article Tags: Pain, Happiness, Self-help, Love, Psychology, Peace, Life Coach

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/coaching-articles/learning-to-love-ourselves-23881.html

Print article

Send to friend

Publish this Article

Author feedback

About the Author:
Robert E. Najemy, author of 25 books and life coach with 30 years of experience, has trained over 300 life coaches and now does so over the Internet. Become a life coach. Over 600 free article and lectures at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/

Submitting articles has become one of the most popular means of generating quality backlinks and targeted traffic to your website. Join us today - It's Free!

Article Comments

Add new Comment

Create a Harmonious Relationship
By: Robert Elias Najemy | 03/05/2006 | Marriage
Harmonious relationships are the result of inner work, love and deep respect for ourselves and the other.

Dealing With the Loss of Loved Ones
By: Robert Elias Najemy | 15/05/2006 | Motivational
Dealing with the death of a loved one is our greatest test in life. With positive beliefs we can deal with this event with greater inner peace and strength.

Overcoming Jealousy
By: Robert Elias Najemy | 24/05/2006 | Dating
Bill is very jealous of Efi and does not want her to ever leave the house without him.

Dealing with Emotional Pain
By: Robert Elias Najemy | 08/05/2006 | Advice
We feel emotional pain when we do not get what we want, need, or expect. We might feel hurt, rejection, bitterness, abuse, injustice or simply emotional pain

Dealing With Criticism and Difference in Opinion
By: Robert Elias Najemy | 09/05/2006 | Coaching
We often become emotionally disturbed during a disagreement, or an argument, or when someone criticizes us or disagrees with us. In such cases our personality usually feels hurt, demeaned and in danger.

Dealing with Anger
By: Robert Elias Najemy | 10/05/2006 | Coaching
Rage is an advanced form of anger, just as panic is to fear, a state in which we are even less in control of our words and behavior.

A Nature Meditation
By: Robert Elias Najemy | 22/04/2006 | Non-Fiction
You are sitting by a quietly flowing stream in the countryside. It is spring and life is green and moist? Sitting on a rock, the sights and sounds of the flowing water begin to work their mysterious way into your nervous system.

What is Meditation?
By: Robert Elias Najemy | 22/04/2006 | Motivational
Meditation can be described in hundreds of ways. Here we will give some brief explanations about this so-extremely-important aspect of human harmony, health and spiritual evolution.

Got a Question? Ask.

Ask the community a question about this article:

Frequently Asked Questions

Dependent Personality Disorder?
By: wendi | 09-07-2008
My ten year old stepdaughter was adopted. Her adoptive mother died when the child was 3 years old. Now she can't do anything on her own. She can't make even minor decisions like what to wear. When she is asked a question or is asked to do something she will just stand there and stare like you are speaking another language. She constantly wants to be near her dad. I understand that it was hard losing a mother at three years old, but how do i get her to become more independent with minor decisions?

Tania and peggy so
By: voterperson | 09-07-2008
You see this is the part that bothers Peggy. What she cannot understand is if she was always skinny why would Tania say "Girl you are skinny" ALSO CAN YOU EXPLAIN WHY TANIA WOULD SAY ?YOU ARE SKINNY WHEN PEGGY IS ALREADY SKINNY MY QUESTION: DO YOU AGREE WITH WHAT I TOLD PEGGY?. ALSO IF SOMEONE IS ALREADY SKINNY WOULD THE COMMENT ?GIRL YOU ARE SKINNY, YOU LOST WEIGHT? STILL BE SAID ANYWAY (REGARDLESS). PEGGY AND TANIA STORY:QUESTION after you read the story: Did I give the right answer? STORY: Peggy was out sick for two days in a row with food poisoning. When Peggy came back to work she met Tania by the ladies roomTania: ?Girl you are skinny, you lost weight?(Peggy thought Tania was implying that Tania never thought Peggy was skinny before her two day illness - everyone is always telling Peggy she is skinny - all of her)Then at 3PM the following conversation took place:Peggy: ?Tania do you think I still look sick and pale?Tania ?You do look pale?Peggy ?Do I still look drawn like you told me earlier?Tania ? I didn?t say that. What I said was your face looked like it lost weight and when one isn?t smiling one looks paler and their face looks thinner? Peggy called me that night and related the story to me.Peggy ?Is Tania implying that she never thought I was skinny before my two day illness.I said: ?No Tania was not saying that at all. All Tania said was that your face looked skinnier

Describe someone who is your opposite number
By: qzmaster591 | 09-07-2008
Try to describe someone that's the opposite to you, in every detail.Then ask to yourself: may he/she be your friend?

Is 20 years to long to have problems?
By: Jangle | 09-07-2008
My wife was raped at 13 years old by four of her classmates. Since then she has had 2 marriages. The sex in the first marriage was non-existant. The sex in the current marriage is semi-regular and both parties are "mostly" satisfied. However, she cannot bring herself to touch any part of my sexual anatomy. It is quite clear that she enjoys the actual intercourse part. She also enjoys foreplay performed on her. I am not aware of what happened exactly during the rape, other than that their where four misguided boys. What can I do? I am very happy with my marriage and she says that she is also. We are both around 40 years old. Our current sex life is Ok, but I need a little variety. I kept hoping that the 40 year old female sex drive would snap her out of it, but nothing yet. HELP!

Breaking Into Pieces.
By: jmdillon | 09-07-2008
Hi all. All I can't say is, help. About a year and a half ago my father was diagnosed with stage IV bladder cancer. Since then it has spread to his lungs, liver and abdomen. Nurses say he has several months. My family is in Ohio and I am working in Washington, DC. I am 23 and my dad is only 55, unfair if you ask me. My dad and I have always been close. He is ordained in the Methodist Church and has worked in the church for years so our family has always been involved together in the church. The last report we got from the doctor is that the masses in his lungs have doubled and tripled in size in the past 2 months since he chose to stop treatment (it was doing more harm than good). So, at 23, i'm dealing with something way beyond what I am prepared for. But, on top of this, my boyfriend of 2.5 years, with whom I live, has decided to go to Cornell (500 miles away) for a graduate program. Sean, my boyfriend, has been my stronghold, my shoulder, my rock since my father was diagnosed. As poorly as I may be handling my father's condition, it has definitley been better than had Sean not been with me to support me. My support system of friends and family are all in Ohio, so Sean is all I have here. My question is, how do I do this? I personally don't think I am emotionally capable of maintaining a healthy long-distance relationship with half of my heart being in Ohio with my family. I need someone to BE there for me. What do I do? How do I end a relationship I never thought would end, and live to see the next day? How does pain like this not kill a person?

How do I know his the one?
By: juju | 09-07-2008
My boyfriend and I hve 9 months together. How do I know his the one?

Q&A Powered by:

Latest Coaching Articles

Warning Of Fake Life Coaches
By: Koz Huseyin | 19/07/2008
It seems like everyone and there brother is a life coach today! I remember going to a seminar last year, and it seemed like everyone in the audience was a life coach. I had lots of people offer me life coaching. Shame, I could have used the event like they did. But, is it time to give a warning of fake life coaches?

Gaining Empowerment at the Cross Roads of Your Life
By: Joan Marie Whelan | 17/07/2008
Pop sensation, Bone Thugs –N- Harmony sing about the cross roads of life. In their very popular tune, they ask "whatcha gonna do when there ain't no where to run?" Their answer, "...we pray, and we pray, and we pray...every day..." Is this how you feel sometimes?

How to Discover Your True Destiny
By: Joan Marie Whelan | 17/07/2008
To discover your true destiny, you must first explore what it is that you want out of life. If you desire prosperity and happiness, you need to initiate two key elements: intuition and motivation -- the rest comes naturally.

Revealed: Five Secrets to Creating Business Networking Magic
By: Morgana Rae | 17/07/2008
As you set out on your networking journey, hoping to attract lots of business, ask yourself what your dream customers want.

The Unwanted Choke : Sporting Clays Article by Dan Schindler : the Paragon School of Sporting
By: Paragon School | 16/07/2008
A little knowledge can be very useful....... "The Unwanted Choke" a Sporting Clays Article by Dan Schindler : The Paragon School of Sporting

How Success Can be Achieved Through an Attitude Change
By: Nikhil Rughani | 15/07/2008
When we look at the most successful people around us, they all have one thing in common - the attitude of success. In reality, this attitude is easy to develop however many people don't know where to start. If you're one of these people then you want to read this article and also download the free audio which can be found www.SucceedWithSpeed.com

Will Everyone Have A Life Coach In The Future?
By: Koz Huseyin | 15/07/2008
Personal development has become so popular. It was only a decade ago, that people never heard of personal development. And life coaches? The only coach most people knew was the one for the favorite sport team. In this article, we will look at life coaching, and the trends towards to future.

Dressing for Your Body Type
By: Aaron Marino | 15/07/2008
All men were not created equal! Who ever said that we were, didn’t understand fashion or style. Our female counterparts have it much tougher than we do, many more shapes and curves to be aware of and try to accommodate or camouflage. But, this doesn’t mean that we don’t have to pay attention or understand the basics. Remember this also, fashion refers to the clothing itself while the word style is the way in which you manage and coordinate the fashion that you wear.

More from Robert Elias Najemy

The Trapped Bird
By: Robert Elias Najemy | 11/07/2006 | Motivational
One day a bird flew into a room in our house. (It could have just as easily been your house). We wanted to help it to get free. But it was afraid of us.

Magnetize your Mind
By: Robert Elias Najemy | 10/07/2006 | Motivational
The mind does not have its own shape. It takes on the shape of its contents, of our thoughts, beliefs, feelings, needs, desires, habits, expectations etc.

A Fire in the Basement
By: Robert Elias Najemy | 10/07/2006 | Self Help
Some of us prefer to hide our problems from ourselves and others. Because it is too painful to deal with them, we lock them up in our subconscious mind and pretend that these problems or feelings do not exist and that all is fine.

Our Spiritual Light
By: Robert Elias Najemy | 09/07/2006 | Motivational
And, suddenly, there it is. The Self-Creating Light which manifests itself out of the darkness, out of the unmanifest. It comes forth shining alone in the darkness. From emptiness has come forth the ONE, the absolute.

Accepting Ourselves and Others
By: Robert Elias Najemy | 08/07/2006 | Coaching
Love is the ultimate healing energy. We lack giving and receiving love.

Self-Acceptance and Self-Improvement
By: Robert Elias Najemy | 08/07/2006 | Coaching
Some fear that if we accept ourselves as we are, that we will have no motive to improve ourselves.

Create Happiness with a Positive Life Outlook
By: Robert Elias Najemy | 08/07/2006 | Coaching
The mind is the molder of our personal and communal world. Every event we perceive through our senses is analyzed, evaluated and registered in the mind as pleasant, unpleasant or neutral.

The Power of Wisdom
By: Robert Elias Najemy | 07/07/2006 | Religion
A person who choses to understand that realities behind the phenomena. To understand the laws that are causing our reality.

Article Categories

Article Marketing

Article Notepad

Stop Duplicate Content

Term Papers

Need Help?

Sign up for our email newsletter

Receive updates, enter your email below

Use of this web site constitutes acceptance of the Terms Of Use and Privacy Policy | User published content is licensed under a Creative Commons License.
Copyright © 2005-2008 Free Articles by ArticlesBase.com, All rights reserved. (0.26, 18)

Learning To Love Ourselves

Article Comments

Related Articles

Got a Question? Ask.

Latest Coaching Articles

More from Robert Elias Najemy

Need Help?

Site Links

Webmasters

Business Info

Sign up for our email newsletter