Success: Solutions to Three Common Stumbling Blocks

People choose coaching for many reasons. Often, it is because deep inside they want something more than what they have but they don’t completely understand what it is or they can’t see the way to make it happen. Even when someone is certain about the direction they want their life to take, there are moments of disillusionment and apathy. In the complex experience of life, it is difficult sometimes to feel confident in anything. In this section, I respond to some common statements I hear from my clients when we start to discuss their larger visions. After each statement, I offer some ideas on how to get past each block.

“I have no idea where to start. Or, I do not have a deep sense of purpose in my life.”

A way to get started is to do more of what you love. If you are still unclear, make a list of all the things that you like to do. One by one, find time to do them. If you want to assess whether you are headed in the right direction with your choices, notice if you are engaged and excited with what you are doing. If you are engaged most of the time, then chances are you are going the right way.

Figuring out what we want to do is not always as simple as just doing what we love. Sometimes our habits prevent us from enjoying ourselves or even knowing what we might enjoy. Please see may article Limiting Habits if you would like more insights into this topic.

“I thought I loved this but all the joy is gone.”

This statement sometimes means that the vision itself needs adjustment but just as frequently this statement indicates that part of the process needs to be adjusted. Making this change may require getting to know yourself better. We get so used to living by outside demands that sometimes we forget that there are other ways to get things done that might be better for us. Take some time to consider other possibilities. You might even enlist a friend to help come up with other ways of looking at or doing things.

Perhaps it is fear that is getting in your way. People have many responses to fear and one is to go numb. To help understand your fear, ask yourself: what is at risk if you attain you ideal vision for your life?

“I think I know what I want to do but I don’t think that I have the skills necessary.”

Ask your self whether this statement is actually, objectively true? List the skills that are necessary for what you want to do. Check those that you possess. Are those that you don’t learnable?

What if the gap between your skills and those necessary seems all too real? For example, you want to be a major league pitcher but can’t throw a ball a yard, even after years of practice. Ask yourself: why you are focused on a vision for your life that is not aligned with your real abilities? Chances are this is a self-defeating belief pattern where you are setting yourself up to fail.

Or perhaps the answer is that you don’t need to do it all yourself. Sometimes the best solution is doing what you do well and then partnering someone who can do with ease what you can’t.