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Learning To Say No!

Author: Clare Evans Author Ranking Blue | Posted: 01-08-2006 | Comments: 0 | Views: 275 | Rating:  (52) Article Popularity - Blue (?) Got a Question? Ask.
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Eager to please and to be seen to be helpful, we often take on things we'd rather not do or really don't have time for. Learning to say 'No' can be useful when you're feeling overwhelmed or feel you're taking on too much. It's one of the things that many people say is key to enabling them to use their time more effectively and it's one of the most frequent areas that we work on.

There's one simple word you can use to increase your effectiveness and make you more productive. Just say 'No'.

Saying 'No' can be hard to do, particularly if you've always said 'Yes' in the past and people are used to you doing everything.

- You feel that you 'should' or 'ought' to say 'Yes'. - You don't want to let people down. - You want to be helpful. - You feel guilty if you don't say 'Yes'.

Be clear and direct. When it comes to it, your time is yours and it's your choice as to how you spend it. Don't be misled by other people's expectations - whether that's family, friends, even your boss or work colleagues. It's important to set boundaries so that other people know where they stand. Be realistic about what you are able to achieve. You can't say yes to everything without crumbling under the weight of responsibility, time constraints or the shear volume of work.

When you are in a situation where you are about to say 'Yes', ask yourself two questions:

What are you saying 'Yes' to? What are you saying 'No' to?

By saying 'Yes' to doing a report by the end of the day, you are saying 'No' to finishing work on time.

By saying 'Yes' to taking on a piece of additional work or participating in a new project, you are saying 'No' to having time for yourself. You're saying 'No' to spending more time with your children/partner/friends.

What stops you from saying 'No'? What do you get by saying 'Yes'? There must be some pay-off for you to say 'Yes'. What is it? Recognition, respect, affirmation ... at what cost?

Is there someone else that can do it? Can you talk to the person making the request and negotiate to suit your timeframe - particularly if this happens in a work environment?

"I can't do that report today but I could do it tomorrow or next week." "I don't have time to talk to you now but can I call you later today ... tomorrow"

It might feel uncomfortable saying 'No' to start with because you'd not used to saying it. How about saying, 'I'll think about it' instead? This will give you a chance to decide if this is something you want to take on or something you want to do. Remember, it's your time, it's your choice how you spend it. Try it this month. Make a game of it. How many times can you say 'No', before saying 'Yes'? Don't say 'Yes' until you've at least had a chance to think about what you're saying 'Yes' to and what it means to you. You can still say 'Yes'. I just want you to actually say 'No' first.

What things do you need to say 'No' to? Think about some different ways that you might be able to say it.

'No, I'm too busy to do that right now' 'No, I don't have my diary with me. Can I get back to you later?' 'No, I'm not interested, thank you!' 'No, I can't do that but perhaps John might be able to help you with that.'

Don't make excuses, there's no need to. Be open, upfront and honest with people, they won't think any less of you for saying 'No' and you won't have to let people down if you say 'Yes' too quickly and then have to say 'No' at a later date. If this is an important issue for you, you might want to practice it with a friend or colleague so you can get comfortable being able to say 'No'. The more you get used to saying it, the easier it will become and the more in control you'll be of your life and your time.

Copyright 2006: Clare Evans

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Clare writes on several topics to help busy, stressed individuals and small business owners organise their lives more effectively. Register for her monthly newsletter at www.clareevans.co.uk and receive free tips on managing your time.
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Frequently Asked Questions

So resently my best friend has become really ...
By: Sarah | 10-09-2008
So resently my best friend has become really bitchy. And we've had lots of trouble in the past and stopped being friends a few times. But I mean she's been there for my hard years. My parents drive us around alot cuz her mom is just not like that, but she never says thank you and she barbly ever listens to me when I talk to her. She says she doesn't consider it "important". After her long distance boyfriend left, shes been really bitchy to everyone. When she has boyfriend usually I don't get to talk to her much, and she becomes all on them. I'm really not sure what to do at this point. I have 2 years of high school left, should I just wait until then or like break it off now. Basically I like her around cuz shes like my only friend, lol. I got used to her not being there for me anymore and just want to get out of this. Last time we stopped being friends she was really sad and so i felt really bad, plus I was lonely. Sorry this is all jumbled up and everything, but I'm just so confused and annoyed. Thanks

I NEED HELP!!!!!!!!!!!
By: mandy5471 | 10-09-2008
Ok...well, i just started a new job about a week ago and this guy i work with asked me if i wanted to hang out. At first i thought he asked because he knows i don't know a whole lot of people where i live(i just moved to another state), but after hanging out with him im pretty sure he likes me. The thing is though that i am not attracted to him at all! I don't know how to tell him this without hurting his feelings or him getting mad at me.  I really don't want to give him the wrong idea about things because he is a cool guy and he's been very nice to me since i started working.  Maybe im just too nice but i really don't know what to do! Someone help me PLEASE!!!!!!!

More than just friends
By: HardcoreDave | 09-09-2008
Well i meet this girl last year and we hooked up right off the bat then i started thinking about it to much and i lost her then we hooked up again after 3 months then we just became friends then as time went on we becme best friends and she is giving about 30 sec of eye contact and always smileing and touching her hair and neckless and stuff and listen to slow music in the car and she told me she wants to do something more active than playing pool so i told her lets go up to the app mt. and hike and pack a lunch she said what day i said idk she said next week ok now she tells me that her ex boyfriend called her and she is going on a double date to a strip club now is she doing this to make me jelous or does she not like me more than a friend.

Does he like me ??
By: lou lou | 08-09-2008
Hi there just wanted some advice , i have had about 6 dates with a guy.. I really like him , its been quite casual really , am unsure of what he wants , he never really sends me texts ect , will just call if he can meet up . Not sure if am wasting my time ect xx

Long distance
By: Beautiful_Princess | 07-09-2008
So i met this guy online and I have fallen head over heels for him.... we have chatted on webcam so i know he is legit.  He is my age and in college also.  Now he is starting to talk about moving here after he finishes and about marriage and the future.  we haven't been together for very long though and I just feel as if he is moving way to fast.  I do love him and he says he loves me all the time.  I know that long distance relationships rarely work so am i just fooling myself?

Relationships
By: silverwal2 | 07-09-2008
Why would someone you are in a relationship with ask you personal questions when you are asleep? What are they seeking from you? Would you answer truthfully?

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