The Art of Voicemail
These days more and more home phones come with a built-in voicemail function. It’s like having an invisible answering machine at your house. The only problem is, like the old-school answering machine, these built-in mailboxes require that most humiliating of tasks: recording your voicemail greeting. Sure, you can take the coward’s way out and use the generic greeting that comes with the phone (usually, a booming announcer voice that sounds like a cross between Tom Brokaw and Don Pardo). Or you can download a funny greeting from funvoicemail.net (personally, I prefer the Cantonese ones over the English ones delivered with a heavy Cantonese accent––but that’s just me). But those who are stalwart and bold of heart record their own greetings. So man up and get ready to record that stuttering, stammering personalized greeting.
And remember, there are unlimited do-overs. You’ve got options If you are no Ernest Hemmingway, you might consider customizing the script that came with your phone. Instead of “the party you are calling” insert your name, then pick up the script for the rest. That wasn’t so hard, right? Write it down Even Meryl Streep works from a script. Write down what you want to say. Be brief and strategic. For instance, are you “away from the phone, can’t get to the phone or paranoically screening all calls”? What you don’t want to say, under any circumstances, is “we’re not home right now.” This is tantamount to putting up a neon sign that says “all burglars welcome” Practice your script Read it aloud three or four times before you record it. If the wording seems stilted or awkward, revise it until it sounds more natural.
Remember, you want the caller to feel as though they are leaving YOU a message, not a machine. Don’t listen back to the recording Not even Sean Connery likes the sound of his own voice. We all sound like hicks, dorks or just-off-the-boat immigrants in playback mode. Rather than playing back your recording, keep re-recording until you are totally happy with the result. Leave your message It is important that the caller gets your message before they leave theirs. In other words, tell them what information you want in a message. For instance, ask for them to “leave a detailed message,” not a brief one. Ask them to leave a number where they can be reached. Ask them to repeat the number slowly. That sort of thing. Promptly return the call Even if you don’t have an answer for them, let them know you got their call and that you will have to look at your calendar, talk to your spouse, etc. and that you will get back to them later. When anonymity is important If you are a single woman, live alone, have your own personal stalker or any of a dozen other reasons, you may want to avoid disclosing too much personal information on your voicemail greeting. You may be better off sticking with the built-in greeting that came with your telephone. Today’s technology is pretty slick. Voicemail is just one of the cool features that come with most new home phones. Take the time to make it work for you. It’s well worth the effort.
These days more and more home phones come with a built-in voicemail function. It’s like having an invisible answering machine at your house. The only problem is, like the old-school answering machine, these built-in mailboxes require that most humiliating of tasks: recording your voicemail greeting. Sure, you can take the coward’s way out and use the generic greeting that comes with the phone (usually, a booming announcer voice that sounds like a cross between Tom Brokaw and Don Pardo). Or you can download a funny greeting from funvoicemail.net (personally, I prefer the Cantonese ones over the English ones delivered with a heavy Cantonese accent––but that’s just me). But those who are stalwart and bold of heart record their own greetings.
So man up and get ready to record that stuttering, stammering personalized greeting. And remember, there are unlimited do-overs.
You’ve got options
If you are no Ernest Hemmingway, you might consider customizing the script that came with your phone. Instead of “the party you are calling” insert your name, then pick up the script for the rest. That wasn’t so hard, right?
Write it down
Even Meryl Streep works from a script. Write down what you want to say. Be brief and strategic. For instance, are you “away from the phone, can’t get to the phone or paranoically screening all calls”? What you don’t want to say, under any circumstances, is “we’re not home right now.” This is tantamount to putting up a neon sign that says “all burglars welcome”
Practice your script
Read it aloud three or four times before you record it. If the wording seems stilted or awkward, revise it until it sounds more natural. Remember, you want the caller to feel as though they are leaving YOU a message, not a machine.
Don’t listen back to the recording
Not even Sean Connery likes the sound of his own voice. We all sound like hicks, dorks or just-off-the-boat immigrants in playback mode. Rather than playing back your recording, keep re-recording until you are totally happy with the result.
Leave your message
It is important that the caller gets your message before they leave theirs. In other words, tell them what information you want in a message. For instance, ask for them to “leave a detailed message,” not a brief one. Ask them to leave a number where they can be reached. Ask them to repeat the number slowly. That sort of thing.
Promptly return the call
Even if you don’t have an answer for them, let them know you got their call and that you will have to look at your calendar, talk to your spouse, etc. and that you will get back to them later.
When anonymity is important
If you are a single woman, live alone, have your own personal stalker or any of a dozen other reasons, you may want to avoid disclosing too much personal information on your voicemail greeting. You may be better off sticking with the built-in greeting that came with your telephone.
Today’s technology is pretty slick. Voicemail is just one of the cool features that come with most new home phones. Take the time to make it work for you. It’s well worth the effort.
Questions and Answers
Used to be, if you were going through personal problems you might visit a priest. People with more money than faith would often see a shrink. Then in 1953, an English vicar had an epiphany. Why not create a “hotline” where people contemplating suicide could ring up a counselor anytime they were feeling blue? No charge.
Tired of waiting for your teenager to get off the phone? Want to add a second line for a computer? It’s an easy enough task for the ambitious do-it-yourselfer. All it takes is a few basic tools and a box of Band-Aids®. Seriously, it is not that hard.
I have a friend who believes in psychics. I am always telling him if this psychic stuff is real, why do they ask “Who may I say is calling?” when they answer the phone. My friend’s comeback is always the same. Psychics don’t answer their own phones. They use mere mortals to do that.
During the Cold War, school kids had frequent “bomb drills” where they learned how to, in a calm and orderly manner, slide under their desks and put their hands over their heads. How this was going to protect us from a thermo-nuclear holocaust is anyone’s guess. The point is, we ran the drill. We were prepared for the worst. Today, large companies develop comprehensive evacuation plans, appoint floor captains and conduct regular “fire drills.” The day the building is engulfed in flames, that com
There are many reasons why businesses should consider providing their customers with a toll free number. They are cost effective for both the business and the consumer, they will help to extend the reach of the business, and they can even provide a single point of contact for consumers so that they can be guaranteed a consistent experience with every call.
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Estonia has emerged as one of the world's most dynamic and modern free market economies. Its flat tax system and tax exemption rules for undistributed company profits have attracted vast amounts of foreign investment capital. The requirement to balance the country's annual budget is written into the constitution which means that the national debt is a mere 6% of GDP.
I have a friend who believes in psychics. I am always telling him if this psychic stuff is real, why do they ask “Who may I say is calling?” when they answer the phone. My friend’s comeback is always the same. Psychics don’t answer their own phones. They use mere mortals to do that.
Can’t decide what to get yourself this holiday? How about a new home phone? Spoil yourself. Make it a cordless. There are quite a few new ones on the market. Why not add one of these to the Christmas list?
Used to be, if you were going through personal problems you might visit a priest. People with more money than faith would often see a shrink. Then in 1953, an English vicar had an epiphany. Why not create a “hotline” where people contemplating suicide could ring up a counselor anytime they were feeling blue? No charge.
During the Cold War, school kids had frequent “bomb drills” where they learned how to, in a calm and orderly manner, slide under their desks and put their hands over their heads. How this was going to protect us from a thermo-nuclear holocaust is anyone’s guess. The point is, we ran the drill. We were prepared for the worst. Today, large companies develop comprehensive evacuation plans, appoint floor captains and conduct regular “fire drills.” The day the building is engulfed in flames, that com
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