A Simple Case Study of How a Counselling Communication Can Help to Make Up a Wonderful Relationship for the Couples

A simple case study of how a counselling communication can help to make up a wonderful relationship for the couples

Have you ever wanted to make up your relationship better? An extremely useful tool is communication. This is a case Example about Couples counselling - Communication.  Communication problems are by far the most common reason that couples come in for counselling. However, learning new communication skills does not always address the true cause of their problem. For example, many people who have difficulty communicating with their partners have a much easier time communicating with other people. In cases such as these, a lack of skill is not the real problem. It is the person's inability to use the skill with his or her partner. The following example shows a couple whose main issue was resolved in just one session by discovering its hidden emotional truth.

Let me share with you a considered essay story. Sandy and Bernard lived in Sacramento. He worked as a computer programmer and she was in graduate school to become a teacher. Sandy's mother had died three months earlier and she was struggling to do well at school, hold her job and deal with some pretty complicated feelings. After being together for a year and a half, she told Bernard that she wanted to take a break from the relationship while she was under so much stress. When I asked Bernard how he felt about this, he answered that he was scared and did not want to break up. I wondered what they hoped to get from therapy, and wondered if they might have two very different goals in coming to see me. It is important for me to understand this first and get a lot of clarity about what each of them is hoping for. After asking each of them, it became clear that Bernard wanted the relationship to stay together. Sandy said that her first priority was taking care of herself, but that if she could find a way to do that in the relationship, she would want to stay. However, she said she could not really imagine that happening and Bernard looked pretty sad.


It was very certain that every one of us had understood what had been happening between them. We all agreed that if there was a way for Sandy to feel that the relationship helped her with her stress rather than adding more, that would be ideal situation that would create happiness for both of them. However, if this was not able to happen, Sandy will leave for as long as it takes for her life to feel more stable. At this point, my job had been defined. I was to understand if there was a way for Sandy to feel supported enough by Bernard that she would want to stay. Sandy was quick to tell me that she could not imagine Bernard becoming any more supportive. She said that he had listened to her feelings for countless hours and always been there to help her. Bernard was in agreement with this, but said that he would be happy to try anything new that might keep them together.

Then, I began wondering about why some people want to be with their partner when they are under a lot of stress while others want to be alone. It seemed to me that Sandy felt under tremendous stress and sought to feel better by taking a break from the pressures of a relationship. However, I know that it is possible for someone to find comfort in a relationship in her situation. I began my inquiry by asking Sandy allow herself to feel all of the pressures and stresses and grief in her life. Then while she was feeling them, I asked her to imagine just for a minute knowing that she will never leave her relationship. She quickly began to feel her anxiety increase and was very uncomfortable. I asked her to stay with that feeling and to say to Bernard, "I just can't stay with you..." and let the sentence finish itself without pre-thinking an ending.


Furthermore, she said, "I just can't stay with you because there is too much pressure." I asked to continue with the sentence and she said, "I just can't stay with you because there is too much pressure and I'll pop." I then asked her to stay in that feeling and finish the sentence, "There is too much pressure because..." She immediate exclaimed "Because I can't be myself." I now had the beginning of the story. If Sandy feels that she can't be herself around Bernard, it makes sense why that would add pressure and stress to her life to be with him. What I still did not understand was why she felt this way, and luckily there was still about 20 minutes to go in the session.


Well, in couples counselling, it is usually the case that both partners have a hand in creating their dynamics. I decided at this point to focus on Bernard in order to learn why Sandy might not feel comfortable being herself. I asked Bernard to imagine a recent time when Sandy felt particularly distressed. Once he had this in mind, I asked him just to keep visualizing this image of her feeling distressed and not to do anything to change it. He told me that this was hard for him and it gave him a sinking feeling in his chest. I asked him to stay with that feeling and try saying to Sandy, "If I don't try to change you." and let the sentence finish itself. He said that he did not feel like he was trying to change her, so we changed his sentence to say, "If I just allow you to feel this way and do nothing, then..." He took a few deep breaths and said, "If I just let you feel this way, you will never get better and you will be depressed forever."

I now felt like I might have a pretty good sense of what was going on, so I asked him to make that a little more explicit. I asked him to try out saying to Sandy, "I just can't let you be sad or fried all the time or you will never get better." He said that it felt true to say it. I then asked him to go even further and try saying, "Even if it makes you feel pressured to change, I just can't let you be sad or fried all the time or you will never get better." Neither of them had had any idea that this was true prior to our session. Bernard quickly recognized how significant this was. He said, "Wow. If I can't stand to just let you feel sad and stressed out, then it makes sense why you don't feel like you can be yourself around me." Sandy started to tear up, and nodded her head. They were both pretty shocked and disoriented as we unpacked what we had discovered and I summarized it on a note card for them to read each day. I asked them to correct me and make sure that the words we chose were complete true. We ended up settling on: "Bernard is afraid that if he lets Sandy be sad and fried all the time, she will never get better. But this makes Sandy feel like she can't be herself around Bernard, which makes her feel even worse." I asked them just to recognize that this was true and not to try to change it immediately.

In a follow up call, around five months later, Bernard told me that he had realized how much pressure he had been putting on Sandy to get better and that he had been able to start feeling more comfortable when she felt distressed. He said that they were still together, and that while Sandy would still get overwhelmed by work and school and grief over her mother every so often, she no longer would push him away at those times. Also, he said the relationship was more secure than it ever had been and felt that our session had been largely responsible for the change.

Therefore, a counselling communication is indeed a useful tool for all the couples who are desperate in making up any relationship. How can you do that, just simply apply all the tips that have been provided in this article, utilise them and ensure that all are simply fine in your relationship. I wish you all the best and good luck in making up your relationship.

Indeed, life is short. Don't let another day go by without taking a chance on happiness. You will never know until you try, so remember to make a move today. It can change or affect the rest of your life, therefore, at the very least, you can try to come out something for your ex love partner during your weekend plans. With a little practice, perseverance and patience, I believe that your relationship could be enhanced with the tips that I have shared earlier. If you have faced any problems with your loved ones, do not hesitate to visit this piece of article again.

I really have a strong belief that if you can understand what I have explained and applied what you have learnt from this piece of article, your problems can be eventually solved and your making up relationship can become more stable and stronger. I wish all the best for your making up relationship with your partner. Do always remember to spread word of mouth to your fellow friends for supporting the decision of having making up than breaking up.

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