Advice on Dating: Your Date is not Your Ex

Your date was quiet all the way home but you could feel the anger. This is the fourth time they have gone out with you. They have indicated very clearly that they like you and want to know you better. They do not know if the two of you have a future together but they have made every concerted effort to try and find out.

That is until tonight. They have come to the conclusion that they just cannot take it anymore. Every date so far no matter how it starts always ends the same way. The conversation with out fail comes back to your ex.

When you date says something it reminds you of that time your ex said the exact same thing. When you date laughs it is so reminiscent of how your significant other guffaws. The way they wear their hat or sip their tea brings back all of those memories of your ex and unfortunately you share that information with your current date.

No wonder they are not speaking to you. That changes when you drop them off in front of their house. They tell you in no uncertain terms that they do not appreciate you singing the blues about your past relationship. If you want to carry a torch find but do not expect them to help you keep the flame burning. They did not sign on for that and in reality neither did you. Whether you admit it or not the bottom line is you went out with this person to get a fresh start.

Therefore it is important to give yourself, your date and and your ex a break for a few reasons:

1. It's Over

Why are you dating this new person? Because your relationship with your ex is over. Either go forward with your dating life or make the effort to get your ex back. But understand you cannot have both. Accept the fact that it is over and reintroduce yourself to the dating community.

2. It's Boring

Besides resenting the fact that your ex is taking up their time, your dating partner is going to grow tired of this quicker than you realize. The truth is they have gone out with you multiple times which shows you how they feel about you but their patience is not unlimited and neither is their attention span.  Going on and on about your ex is either an invitation to end the date prematurely or watch them doze off.

3. Self Sabotage

If you feel you are not ready to date than do not date. There is nothing wrong with taking time off to get yourself together before deciding to reconnect with the dating scene. Going out there knowing that your main focus is still on your ex is asking for trouble in the short and long term.

4. Shoe Meet Other Foot

Think about it. You start talking about you ex and then your date start talking about their ex. Next thing you know four people are double dating but only two are sitting at the table. That makes things a little crowded including not having time to reconnect with each other because you are spending so much time trying to relive memories. Needless to say if your date was the only one talking about their ex, it would not take you long to get very tired of it and them

You had great times with your ex but for whatever reason the two of you are not together anymore. Be thankful for the good times you shared but do not romanticize the entire relationship. The fact is that meeting and dating someone new means the relationship has the potential to equal or surpass what you previously enjoyed. You owe it to yourself to make the most of it.