Dr. Neder is known around the world as a tough, but fair relationship expert, dealing with all sorts of dating, sex and relationship issues from a man's perspective. Having written 3 books ("Being a Man in a Woman's World™" series) and is working on others, hundreds of articles, been on hundreds of radio and TV shows, he is funny, direct and intuitive. Do you have a burning question that needs an answer? Are you a man that wants to better experiences with women, or a woman that wants to better understand men? To learn more, go to http://beingaman.com.
Hey Dr. Neder!
I’ve gone through reading both BAM I and II – great books by the way!
I’ve made my plans and have began practicing the steps outlined in the books, but here’s the problem: when I’m around women that I have no interest in whatsoever, I’m able to build rapport with them quickly and if I wanted to could easily close them.
However if it’s a woman that I’m attracted I can’t bring myself to start a conversation and work on closing her.
How do you explain that and more importantly is there any advice you could give that would help me get over whatever the hell my problem is?
Hello!
This problem is not only common, it's perfectly normal. You are invested in women that you're attracted to, and thus, fear losing the opportunity or the girl. Again, perfectly normal. This is called “approach anxiety”.
The key is that you have to work through that anxiety. You do that by:
1) Regular practice. Trust me, after you've done this 20 times, you're going to get entirely over the fear of it.
2) Being goal-focused, not girl-focused. This is important: keep your eye on the goals you created from BAM. Don't focus on the girl. She is mealy a vehicle to getting what you want. That takes the pressure off of you.
3) Keep rolling the numbers. Dating is a numbers game. If all you have is one hot girl and you lose her, you've got 100% loss. If you have 4 hot girls you're working and you lose one of them, who cares?
Do you remember the "20 No's"? It's a great tool if you have this sort of anxiety. If you don't remember it, go to my video website: http://BeingAMan.tv and click on "Video" and then "BAM! TV Episodes" and watch the first episode.
Give these things a try and let me know how they work out for you. If you apply them aggressively, you'll be over your anxiety with beautiful girls in no time.
Best regards…
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Have a love, dating, sex or relationship question? You can write to me or get more information about “Being a Man in a Woman’s World tm” by going to: http://BeingAMan.com. Be sure to check out the new BAM! TV at http://BeingAMan.tv. Follow me on Facebook (http://tinyurl.com/cas4w9) and Twitter (http://tinyurl.com/d3pecs).
Copyright (c) 2009, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
All rights reserved.
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