David Curtis is a dating expert and relationship coach for men and women. For more dating and relationship advice and to download your copy of my FREE Ebook, "Inside the Mind of the Elite Player", visit http://www.alphadater.com
I think you if would ask any woman in the world, they would tell you that they want a guy who is nice to them. So why does it seem that when it comes to approaching and dating women, nice guys finish last?
In truth, it's not being nice that undermines most guys. It's being boring, predictable nice that does them in.
You can be loud. You can be obnoxious. You can be egotistical. You can be a complete jerk. You can even be all of these things together and still stand a better chance of getting a girl to go out with you then if you bore her to death with the same old predictable behavior she gets from almost every other guy she meets.
Read the above statement a couple more times to get the full impact of what I'm saying.
Now I'm NOT telling you to change into some loud, obnoxious egotistical jerk. I'm just pointing out how low a boring, predictable, nice guy ranks on a woman's attraction list.
When I say boring, I'm not talking about that guy we all know who drones on and on about some opinion or theory he has that nobody else cares beans about.
I'm talking about just the normal guy who might be the life of the party when he's out with his friends, but when he tries talking to a woman he turns into some under-confident, approval-seeking weenie guy who just says all the unimaginitive things that hot women hear all the time.
Even if he's a great looking guy, she's going to get bored relatively quickly when she realizes that this guy is just like every other guy that she could get with the snap of her fingers.
How many times have you been out at a party or other social gathering and seen some totally hot woman, who you would kill for, out with some obnoxious jerk who seems to be treating her like garbage. Yet she's hanging all over him and amorously ogling him like he's God's gift to women, even if he's not much to look at. In fact, sometimes it seems like the jerkier the guy, the hotter the girl on his arm. So, what the heck is up with that?
What's up is that is that most women are much more attracted to an exciting, unpredictable alpha male, even if they have to put up with some jerky behavior, then they are with some sweet, but boring, nice guy who presents no challenge to them what-so-ever. It's like choosing to go down the steep, mogul-filled ski slope rather than the nice safe predictable little bunny hill.
Everyone likes a challenge. It's what makes life interesting and worth getting up for every morning. And this is the exact thing that most attracts women.
Unfortunately, most guys have been brought up to believe that women are instead attracted to a safe, predictable, "nice guy" who will do anything for her. When woman after woman rejects them, and instead chooses some self-absorbed jerk, these self-proclaimed "nice guys" are completely baffled.
Now there is nothing wrong with being nice. But there is a big difference between being boring, predictable, harmless nice and a more edgy, challenging, provocative nice.
Remember in the movie Swingers, where Vince Vaughn is coaching John Favreau before he walks up to talk to a girl at the bar. Vince Vaughn tells him:
"I want you to go over to that girl and I want you to get those digits.
- You're money. - Come here a second. Listen to me.
Look it, when you go up to talk to her, man,
I don't want you to be the guy in the PG-movie everyone's REALLY hoping makes it happen.
I want you to be like the guy in the R-rated movie, you know?
The guy you're not sure whether or not you like yet.
You're not sure where he's coming from, okay? You're a bad man.
You're a bad man. You're a bad man.
Bad man."
dialogue from the movie Swingers-1996
This needs to be your mindset when approaching a woman. You want to be that guy who is a bit of a mystery to her. That guy she's not quite sure about, but for some reason attracts her at a gut level. That guy she can't quite figure out, and who she wants to explore further.
This doesn't mean you have to act like a jerk. In fact I encourage you to be nice. Just don't be boring, approval-seeking nice. Those nice guys do finish last.
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