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Are You Single Again?
 Did you just get out of a relationship and now find yourself single again? Has the dating scene changed since you were last out there? Are you out of practice in meeting new people to date?
One of my clients who just got a divorce said, “I don’t know how to handle this! When guys are talking to me, I don’t know if they’re just being nice or if they’re interested in asking me out. I don’t know how to read the signals, I’m clumsy in conversation, and I’m insecure about how to act. I haven’t dated for so long, I’m clueless.”
If you think this way, starting to date again can feel like learning to ride a bike for the first time. You’re wobbly, you’re scared, and you’re afraid you look funny. Here are some tips to help you socialize and meet people if you are single:
Research statistics show that when you first meet someone, their initial impression of you is based 55% on how you look and what your body language is saying. Thirty-eight percent of their opinion of you is based on your style of speaking, and only 7% is based on what you actually say. My interpretation of this research is, if you are confident, friendly and spend a little time on your appearance, you will be fine! In order to pull up your confidence, remember your successes, achievements, and the people who love you. Focus on the positive aspects of your life before you go anywhere.
I strongly suggest a direct question, such as: “Have you been to one of these events before?” When you use a question like this, it requires an answer, so you have opened with immediately engaging the other person in talking. After asking one more question to give the person a chance to warm up, introduce yourself and ask his or her name. If someone is rude, cold or aloof, and doesn’t seem interested in talking to you, say, “Nice to meet you,” and walk away. Brush off their lack of response like a small piece of lint on your perfect black suit. Because it is that insignificant and you don’t have time to spend your energy thinking about it. People are waiting to meet you who do want to talk.
One research study found that guys who do all the talking turn off 47% of women. And believe it or not, research also says that men usually talk about themselves more than women. In defense of the tendency to talk too much, this is what people do when they are nervous. They are also unaware that they are not taking turns. Pay attention, if you can, to the give and take and sharing. If you walk away from a conversation with someone knowing very little about them, you either didn’t listen, or—you didn’t let them talk.
EXCESSIVE compliments will make you seem needy, desperate, and insecure. I once watched a very attractive successful man just blow it with his blind date. He told her how beautiful she was so many times; you could see the smile fade from her face. She began to squirm, get uncomfortable, and lose interest in him. He could not read the clues, thought the date went well, and was hurt to discover that she didn’t want to see him again. She told me that after the fifth time he gushed, “Man! You are just so beautiful!” she began to wonder what he wanted from her. Everyone wants to feel they are attractive to their date, but they also want to know that the other person sees who they are beyond their looks.
Just a slight pat on the top of a hand can release a rush of good feelings from the person who received it. Use this behavior wisely but know that one sincere compliment combined with a simple touch of the arm or hand means you will probably not be forgotten.
I get emails every day from people who met someone, really liked him or her, but did not follow through on future plans. People are terrified of being “rejected,” which means they may never get the one they want because they won’t take a chance. Whether you meet people in an airport or at the shoe store, if you like them get their card. Exchange contact information before you say goodbye.
Everything in life takes practice. You are exercising new muscles that have not been used for a long time. Don’t get discouraged. Think about the above six tips and know that you can become comfortable being yourself and socializing. Go ahead—have a good time. You’re single again.
Tonja Evetts Weimer, M.A., is a Master Certified Single’s Coach and Life Coach. You can contact her at 864-294-9494, email tonja@tonjaweimer.com or visit www.singlesdatingtips.com.
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Article Tags: Dating, Love, Divorce, Dating Advice, Relationships, Singles, Dating Coach, Dating Scene Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/dating-articles/are-you-single-again-476398.html About the Author:
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| Posted: 08-07-2008 | Comments: 
