Dating Advice: Does Age Difference Make a Significant Difference?

By Susie and Otto Collins

Jeff has just met a wonderful woman named Evelyn. They started talking at a bookstore-- in the history section-- and then talked some more over coffee. From that evening of getting to know this attractive woman, Jeff is sure he wants to know more about her.

Evelyn gave him her phone number and Jeff would like to ask her out for a date, except for one thing that's making him hesitate...his concerns about the age difference between them. Jeff is in his mid-30s and, while he's not certain, Evelyn is probably in her 50s.

She has grown children-- one of whom is pregnant with what will be Evelyn's first grandchild! All of this has stopped Jeff from making that phone call to invite her out for a date.

He wonders if he should just save them both pain and heartache by not calling. After all, Jeff fears that the age difference between them would end up eventually destroying any relationship that might develop.

Like Jeff, you might find yourself romantically drawn to a person that you met, but you have held yourself back from asking him or her out on a date because of the age difference between the two of you.

Or, perhaps you are already dating someone who is significantly older or younger than you are and the sheer fact of this age difference keeps getting in the way of you two moving closer to one another.

Here are some dating tips for anyone who is considering or already in a relationship with another person and there's an age difference between you two...

Understand your own age-related assumptions.

We all hold beliefs-- in varying degrees-- about things like race, gender, class, ethnicity, religion and, yes, age.

Perhaps you grew up feeling fearful of the older people in your life. Maybe you experienced the death of a parent or you are going through the experience of a beloved family member whose health is declining with age.

Maybe you are concerned about the changes in your own body as you get older and the inevitability of death scares you.

All of this is normal.

What can stand in the way of you moving forward to date or create a relationship with someone who is years or decades older or younger than you are is what you do with these beliefs.

Will you continue to react to the people and situations in your life based on worrisome and fearful thoughts? Or, will you have the courage to explore your thoughts and beliefs and see if gaining a better understanding of them brings you some ease-- and possibly makes it easier for you to be with your partner or date?

There is no right or wrong here. What we encourage you to do is to take some time to discover what your thoughts and beliefs are about age and age differences in a relationship. Ask yourself whether or not these thoughts and beliefs serve you and what you want for your life.

Let yourself be attracted (or not) to the person, not his or her age.

What it comes down to is this... You are not having a date or a relationship with an age. You get to choose whether or not you want to date or be in a relationship with a person.

If you look around at all of the people you know, there are adults who are relatively young in years whose bodies and actions make them seem far older than they actually are. Conversely, there are adults who may even technically be "senior citizens" who are healthier, more vivacious and adventurous than those who are far younger than they are.

Age is truly just a number.

There can be limits to what can and cannot happen when you're with someone who is significantly older or younger than you are. But, then again, these same limits can occur even when you are both around the same age.

Be honest with yourself as you consider whether or not you are attracted and interested in this other person. Take into account your concerns and weigh what is most important to you.

It is not doing yourself or your date/partner a favor if you push yourself either toward or away from him or her when your heart isn't fully behind the decision.

Stay tuned in to you and what you feel and what you want for yourself. Worry less about what others might think or say and more about how it feels to you when you are with this person. Love truly knows no bounds-- that includes the human-created bounds of age.