Dating & Stress - The Killer Syndrome In Dating
I want you to explore the the psychology of stress in this article.
Stress is your system's reply to being overtaxed by anxiety due to excess drink, sun, food, work, or maybe fun - way too much of anything, even excellent stuff, stretches the limits. Stress is a spring that's wound too tightly. It's your body's equivalent of a flashing yellow light, a Caution sign, or a slippery when Wet caution.
When you're just becoming familiar with somebody, your senses rally all of their resources to help you evaluate whether or not this human being is a chum or enemy. Intuition, previous experiences, present discoveries, your ability to trust - they all become active and keep cooking as new "cues" come your way. Till you've had enough positive cues to persuade you that - whew! - this person is OK ( she or he isn't going to punish me, humiliate me, or leave me holding the check ), you are going to feel a little stressed, and the yellow light continues to flash, meaning you are not ready to let your guard slip yet.
You can cut back your tension by accepting that stress is a natural and helpful reaction to an unknown and doubtless scary situation. Instead of dismissing your stress, you can leave yourself on guard and then, as you're feeling more assured, allow far less of a barrier between the two of you, which is the entire point of dating. It's alright to leave this wall of protection in place for some time, while you peek around to see what's on the other side.
The strain wall
A stress wall is a barrier most people build to keep strangers from getting too close too shortly. It keeps others at arm's length. Like little talk, the walls we construct to protect ourselves have gotten a bum rap. When built properly ( out of transportable and removable fundamental components instead of cement ), emotional walls serve a very handy purpose. They keep dashing, yet lethal, Attila the Huns from jabbing a spear into the centre of your heart, or nine headed Hydras from swimming across your emotional moat and slithering into your life. The notion that instant weakness is a fascinating trait is perilous, indeed. Of course , we aren't in Eden anymore.
What I'm attempting to get at is that some feelings of stress are an ordinary and essential part of being alive, and - dare I say it? - of staying alive. Dating, by its very nature, is one large, fat unknown. It's okay to feel a bit of trepidation. It's good to drive carefully with your eyes on the road and your hands at "ten and two" on the steering wheel. What's not productive , however , is to work yourself into a tizzy because you're all of a sudden convinced a serial killer must prowl in the soul of anyone that would date you or a vengeful ex in an eighteen wheeler is getting ready to cross the mean and obliterate you.
First, ask the following questions :
* Was I sober and of sound mind when the date was initially arranged?
* Have I spoken to this person since the date was made?
* Is excitement buried underneath my feelings of stress ( versus fear ) ?
* Is this someone I might unhesitatingly introduce to my mother?
If all or most of your answers are "yes," your stress wall will probably start lowering a bit as fast as your date giggles at your first joke.
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