Dating Relationships - Dating Relationship Fighting and Making Up With the Person You're Dating

It's an unfortunate fact of life. Sometimes you fight with the person you love. This can be because of a misunderstanding, because someone is upset about something else, because someone is mad about something the other said or for a myriad of other reasons. In a dating relationship of any kind, fights are inevitable. However, when you work through the problems, the relationship can grow stronger. Dating is hard enough as it is, there's no reason to make it worse by fighting needlessly.

Decide Why the Person You're Dating is Mad at You

The first thing you do when you get in a fight with the person you're dating is decide what happened. Did you start it? Why? Is he mad at you? Are you mad at her? What happened? Was it something you said? Did? Consider these reasons why the person you're dating might be fighting with you:

*You didn't call when you were supposed to
*You called someone else attractive (jealousy)
*You cancelled your plans, again
*You made him/her feel like they're unimportant
*You made the person you're dating think you don't respect him/her
*You gave a gift that wasn't what they wanted or expected (like earrings instead of an engagement ring)
*You ask how the person you're dating how they feel about something, they tell you they don't like it, and you decide to do it anyway

*You've violated the trust the person you're dating had for you

Likewise, if you're mad at the person you're in a dating relationship with, figure out why. Write it down if you have to so when you talk about it, you'll remember and can discuss the problem effectively. Think about whether the problem is serious and also think about why you're upset about whatever it is.

Work Through the Problem

Don't leave problems for later. Try to work through them immediately or they'll just get worse. By expressing your anger and frustration, without laying blame on the other person, yelling, screaming, name calling, criticism and sarcasm, you can start fixing things.

That also means that you can't run away if things get difficult. Imagine that Bill and Melissa are dating and they got in a fight earlier. Why? They had plans to go to dinner and see a movie, but Bill called up and told her he couldn't make it. It's the third time in the last week that it's happened. Melissa is mad, and understandably so. She walks away from Bill without explaining why she's mad.

Later, she calls him up and leaves a voicemail message about what a horrible boyfriend he is, how he doesn't care about her and is probably cheating on her. Now Bill's mad, and understandably so. And Melissa doesn't feel any better.

If the couple had sat down and Melissa had told Bill that she doesn't like it when he cancels on her and asked why he's cancelling, things would have been better. But the way the couple handled it the first time is why so many dating couples have relationship problems: nothing is getting solved. Don't focus on what the person you're dating did. Focus on what you did. So Melissa needs to apologize for what she said to Bill – not telling him there was a problem and calling up and leaving a mean voice mail message. Bill needs to apologize for canceling – and explain what's going on with him.

Next time you have a problem with the person you're dating, try to work through things. First. Then comes making up. Keep in mind, though, that if the person you're dating doesn't know why you're mad or that you're mad, it's likely to happen again. And you'll have no one to blame except yourself.

Start Making Up

When you're in a fight with someone you're dating, the making up part of the equation needs to start pretty quickly, even if you're still mad. Tell the person you love him or her, even though you're mad, or even though you know they're mad. If you don't have the good stuff mixed in with the bad stuff, there's no room for the good stuff, and your relationship won't have the opportunity to heal.

Dating relationships offer a lot of options for making up. Kissing, hugging or -if you're in a sexual relationship- sex, are great make-up tools. And yes, make-up sex is good because you're both trying to please the person you're dating – one another. And that's what the end of a fight should be about.